Saturday, December 26, 2009

Home for the holidays :)

I can't believe Christmas has come and gone. I also can't believe that next Christmas we will have two elves of our own to celebrate with. My hubby and I ventured to UPS New York to visit his family and then headed to Massachusetts to spend Christmas with mine. Even though 5 hours in the car is not that much fun I am glad we were able to do both, next year will be a different story.

 Santa was good to us as usual. Lots of baby things and gift certificates. I got some adorable outfits from my sister and I cried when I opened them. I am trying to push myself to finish off registering. People have told me it is a lot of fun and while I would have to agree, I am amazed by the amount of time I have spent reviewing products and reaching out to friends with children for advice. It took me longer to pick out car seats then it did a new car. I guess the nesting feeling has already set in! I now have a subscription to Consumer Reports and love the website, they give great reviews on products from parents.

Our level 2 scan was very reassuring and I feel so relieved to be able to spend the holidays with a clearer head. I will be monitored more closely now with another U/S in 3 weeks and then continued ones every 2 weeks until their birth. I can't believe I am over half way there (by twin standards) My docs are hesitant to give me a revised due date but if our two dudes can hold out until 37 weeks I will be one happy momma. That gets me to mid April.

The weight has picked up so that is a good thing. As hard as I was trying to consume healthy calories I wasn't gaining weight. I went three weeks without gaining a pound. I am happy to say that I have since made up for lost time. The holidays definitely helped. My docs were about to put me on a high fat diet with shakes, um no thanks! The last thing I want is to be put on bed rest popping bon bons. So thank you holiday cookie people and friends with no calorie conscious for making me rounder.

I finally got around to posting a picture of my belly. I am now 19 weeks. I think I have gotten bigger just from last week when this was taken!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Is it Friday yet??

Friday morning I am having the Level 2 u/s, one day after my 18th week. I have been having an extreme amount of anxiety since some abnormal AFP results. Despite the fact that I was reassured with a quick U/S to see heartbeats and moving up my Level 2, I just need to hear and see that everything looks great from head to toe. If we decide to go for a third child we will definitely be opting out of some prenatal tests. With less validity in twins for some of the screens, it seems the unnecessary worry before a more thorough U/S is not worth it to me.

I have been beside myself and I am happy to say that having my very own Buddy the Elf has cheered me up. If only Wednesday was the day before Friday.

So anyway my husband and I are heading to a holiday party on Friday night. I decided last week that I was going to dress him up as an Elf. Why you ask??, well for one we have a pretty funny group of friends and I want to one up everyone this year with an Elf onesie worn by my husband, 2) since I can't indulge in the normal spiked eggnog atmosphere, I figured having something else that can make me laugh is only appropriate.

I can't even begin to tell you how hard I am cracking up right now! He looks so miserable but it fits perfect, I just want to squeeze him. Figured I would share for all those that wish it was already Friday, here is your Happy Hump Day pick me up.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Our two dudes have made their debut!

We found out last week that we are having two little PRINCES!!!. I am so overwhelmed with joy and excitement. I felt like I had some motherly instinct that they were boys so I couldn't be happier. My husband had tears in his eyes during the U/S and it was a very special moment for us. We were trying to hold out on telling people until the holidays but I have never been one to hide my excitement so we caved to family and friends.

I finally got around to washing all the boy clothes my sister gave me from my two nephews! My living room was packed with clothes. I have so much stuff already.

One more crib to put together and we can focus on the nursery. I am now 17 weeks! I can't believe I am already past 4 months. Still seems like yesterday that I was getting my gallbladder removed and having my transfer. Now if only we can fast forward the next 5 months.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Fat and Happy :) 15 Weeks

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I began my 15th week on Thursday and what a better way to celebrate then to eat for three! My family knows me all to well and my cousin bought me a mocktini book for making virgin drinks! She even got me alcohol free champagne. Honestly this book is great. Not only does it help you pretend to fit in while everyone else gets drunk, but it has recipes for great juice concoctions for nausea and stomach upset. I love it, thanks Hallie!

My husband and I were supposed to bear the wrath of Black Friday but my raging hormones and severe lack of patience has me scanning the internet for deals instead. Let me tell you there are deals to be had! The cribs and changers I have had my eye on at are almost 40% off with all the coupons. The cribs are convertible so they can be transformed into toddler and twin beds as the babes get older. Drop cribs have always reminded me of a guillotine. I saw the same Davinci crib at a retail store in Burlington VT for $500! We paid less than that for two. Can't wait to lie on the couch and watch my husband put them all together :)

Monday, November 23, 2009

Making a list and checking it one thousand zillion times.......

I have had a hard time keeping up with the blogging lately. Most of the nauz has dissipated but the tiredness is still pretty bad. I am a few days shy of my 15th week and getting more and more Santa Claus like every day.

I have spent way too much time researching strollers and car seats. We have decided that the Bumbleride Indie Twin is the way to go. A friend just had twins and I was so excited when I saw a pic of him pushing his twins in the same stroller I have been salivating over. He swears by this mack daddy. I don't think I need to read another review, we are sold.

I have also compiled a list of my favorite websites for baby gear, cribs, clothes, bedding, deals and steals.

Great deals on all sorts of baby stuff
You can essentially design a virtual nursery. Also have crib skirts, bedding, bumpers and tons of great fabrics and colors.
for the eco-conscious shopper
I have to thank my mommy friend Kelly for turning me onto this site. Every day they have a deal on great baby products. Think Aden and Anais baby blankets for half price. Have to get on it early as items sell out super fast.

These are just a few of my favorite sites. I am yet to really buy anything though. I am just making lots of lists. We have picked out the wood flooring for the nursery. I have a promise from my Hubby that construction will begin right after the New Year.

Next week we have another US and MFM appt. I can't wait to get another clean bill of health for the babes. Hope everyone has a wonderful and safe Turkey Day. I can't wait to see all 20+ of my rellies. Tday is always full of laughs and often tears:)

Wednesday, November 11, 2009


I have been holding out until the NT scan to share the exciting news that we are expecting TWINS! We could not be happier or more excited. Both babes are growing wonderfully and are exactly the same size. The scan shows a very low risk for chromosomal abnormalities. Things are progressing just as they should be. Hopefully we will know the sexes at our next U/S as well.

I am still suffering from extreme nausea and finally cried uncle to my docs, nothing else was working. I am now taking Zofran in order to make it through the morning, afternoon and night. Hopefully it will pass soon. With double the hormones comes double the trouble of being sick. My body is changing daily and even though my waist is gone and I resemble Sponge Bob Squarepants, I am so happy that our babes are doing well!
Here is our latest scan. Looks like sibling rivarly has already begun, one munchkin is kicking the other :)

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

My H1N1 shot

Like most pregnant women I was extremely hesitant to get the H1N1 shot. I don't care how much literature and studies are out there about the effectiveness of the vaccine. Bottom line there are no completed studies on the perinatal outcomes of H1N1 vaccinated women. However studies do show that pregnant women who get vaccinated for the normal flu strain have less likelihood of getting the flu and ultimately so will their unborn child. It makes sense to go with the majority on statistics. So while I had my reservations I did extensive research and asked lots of questions. Ultimately I feel confident in my decision.

Like the flu shot, I wanted to make sure I was getting a thimerosal, preservative and mercury free dose of the H1N1. While the levels of such substances are low you never can be safe enough. I called my OB ahead of time to make sure they had some of the single dose preservative free vaccines. I was told I would just have to ask for it once I arrived. If only it was that easy. Apparently, well at least in VT, there is a shortage of the preservative free doses. While I was told on the phone there was plenty in stock it sure didn't appear that way when I asked. The nurse, whom I don't routinely see, told me they were holding those doses for women at a high risk or those who were allergic to the other doses. Hello!! Read my chart! I am high risk and um yeah, how do I know my unborn child isn't allergic? Aren't pregnant women and children deemed those most at risk for H1N1 to begin with thus identifying them as high risk? yeah nice try. Despite her efforts in telling me someone misinformed me, I stuck to my guns and very nicely said "either you give me the preservative free version or I will find someone who will." I also told her to go find my doctor for clearance, 5 minutes later I was given what I wanted with a sore arm to boot.

I wanted to tell this story because I get the impression, that while they may be low on these doses, they aren't expecting pregnant women to ask for them and frankly they don't want you too. Money, mass production and productivity all come into play instead. Be sure to educate yourself and be adamant about what you want. If I have learned one thing so far from being pregnant it is to listen to instincts, your body and remember you are the voice for your unborn child.

It all worked out in the end but it left me wondering how many other women who have no idea of this potentially safer version of the H1N1 vaccine are out there. Push for it or go somewhere else. Anyone have a similar story? for or against the vaccine? I don't need horror stories but am interested in others experience or opinion.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Countdown to 2nd Trimester is on!

I feel like my last few posts have been riddled with complaints, so it is only normal to start this post off doing just that. I feel like crap. I am a walking zombie. I eat way to much bread. I can't seem to get enough sleep. BUT! I am almost into the second trimester and I couldn't be happier about that. So I am sucking it up and pushing on with my pops, ginger ale and loaf of bread.

We met with our HR OB group on Monday and were very pleased. My doc and group are pretty direct, don't sugar coat and will tell you how it really is. The head doc answered all 35+ questions I had, none of which she made me feel were outlandish. We covered everything from birth options to H1N1 and everything in between. I am really looking forward to being under their care. I was even given a mask in the event I sit next to a germ thrower on the plane. Now if only they could tell me which organic bedding is the best and what I am having so I can get on decorating!

We had another ultrasound and everything looks wonderful. Every time we have to wait for the next U/S seems like an eternity. I am so relieved to see that things are progressing as should be. I have to travel for work next week so I won't have the NT scan until November 10th. Hopefully by then the nauz and tiredness will be replaced with a feeling of rebirth, ha. Maybe I will even grow back the few million brain cells I have lost.

My husband and I celebrated our one year anniversary last Sunday as well. We went back to our ceremony and reception site, took pics and reminisced. It still seems like yesterday and so much has happened in a year. We are truly blessed. After dinner we ate what was remaining of our cake and talked for the thousandth time about baby names. I am so excited!

October 18, 2008

October 18, 2009

Thursday, October 15, 2009

I did a very very bad thing!!!

I just couldn't hold off any longer. The baby made me do it. I ate the cake. Not all the cake but a lot of the cake. I was supposed to wait until this weekend to ring in my one year anniversary but I caved. It was just screaming, "EAT ME". So I did. Now I know some of you are going to tell me I am going to get divorced or lose a finger or have bad luck for 12 years but I don't care! It was delicious and wonderful and I felt so much better after I ate it.

I was hesitant after freezing it for a year but once it thawed out it tasted as delicious as our wedding day. See my husband actually picked the cake, designed the cake, described what he wanted in it and it was his masterpiece. I never have been a huge sweets person. I have had a change of taste and I would of ate the whole top, a big top mind you.That whole top in the picture for crying out loud. However this little subconscious voice told me my husband is going to kill me if I don't put down the fork. So the once beautiful wedding cake top is now a mutilated mess in my fridge. A still edible mutilated mess though.

I could not of cared less about the cake back then but I sure am glad my husband's taste buds were dead on. I mean what could be better than a Vanilla Chiffon cake layered with maple cream and apples and pears when you are preggers. Delish!! I want more right now. One piece of advice to a future bride, go organic on the cake, it pays to have it taste the same as it did a year ago even if I do end up in marriage counseling.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Graduating with Honors and Nausea

I have had all intentions of posting over the last 8 days but my morning sickness has progressed to all day sickness and believe it or not typing of all things gives me the spins. I usually update first thing in the morning, like at 6am since sleep is not something I know very well these days. However it looks like before bed is what may work for now.

I totally jinxed myself. I felt blessed to have little nausea and vomiting at 8 weeks and then poof a big dark cloud of throw up landed on me and I have been sick sick sick ever since. I swear I have vertigo, even driving makes me queasy and I am dumb. I mean really dumb. Word retrieval problems, remembering issues. I can hardly speak English. I have decided that I may just bring it back to kindergarten and just point when trying to reference something.

Work has been tough as well. I travel a lot and I have been spending equal time in rest areas as I have in doc offices doing calls. There is an advantage here though. I work in OB sales and nurses and docs have a hidden radar, they just know when you are pregnant. I mean a doc even gave me his chair in his office, maybe because I was semi-kermit like but I will take it!. Anyway it has been rough and I have been trying really hard not to complain but I just hope and pray it is over soon. I feel like a zombie and Halloween is still three weeks away. I think.

So on a brighter note, I graduated from the IVF group. I had my last U/S with them last Wednesday. It was a bittersweet goodbye and I cried when thanking my two wonderful RE's. I just can't say enough about the care and expertise they showed. They are miracle workers and I love them. I don't ever want to see them again, but I love them nonetheless.

All looks great in the womb and heartbeat is around 150-155. Soon I will scan in the images. My husband and I meet with our HR OB group next Monday and I am super excited. I personally know two of the docs in the group through work and feel lucky to be under the care of one of the Associate Professors of OB at the University. We will actually be meeting with all 4 docs that evening and will be discussing my care going forward. I am hopeful another U/S is planned but it may be put off a week or two before some of the 1st trimester screens are done.

Last weekend we planned to head to Bar Harbor, ME but the 6 hours in the car definitely turned me off once I started feeling so sick. Instead we spent the weekend in Quechee and Woodstock, VT . We had a blast. I was able to hit up my favorite bath and soap store, Thistle and have breakfast at the to die for diner Lou's in Hanover, NH. Definitely worth the wait. We also started some Christmas shopping and hit up the local antique fairs. All in all a great weekend. This coming weekend is our 1st anniversary. I already took the cake top out of the freezer and put it in the fridge with the hopes of it defrosting by Sunday. I also put my keys in the fridge yesterday as well. I already want a piece so bad; of the cake not the metal.

Me and my first baby, Kalib, hiking in Woodstock, VT

Friday, October 2, 2009

If I only had a brain......

So I am officially losing my mind. While I have been told baby brain is a common symptom of pregnancy I wasn't really prepared for the all out forgetfulness and the full on inability to complete a normal sentence. It all started off pretty harmless, calling people the wrong names, forgetting what I was about to do, calling people the wrong names.

However I brought it to a whole new level on Monday. I was driving to Bedford, NH from Western Mass for a conference. I noticed I was pretty low on gas and I really needed to stop for a fill up. I pulled into a rest area and chose a gas lane that just so happened to have a broken credit card reader. The weird woman of OZ shouted over the speaker to come in and pay first. After I paid and got back in my car, I decided to drive away. I forgot to pump the gas!! Now I am back on the Mass Turnpike about to run out of fuel and I can't exactly pull a u-turn. I had to drive 12 miles to the next exit and turn completely around. A half hour later I was back where I started. Needless to say I had an even harder time explaining to the now new gas clerk what the heck I had just done. I wasn't sure if I should laugh, cry or scream. I did all three.

Since then I have limited my conversations and social interactions. It is only safe. I am just kidding, but really these new symptoms have come out of nowhere. I am definitely feeling the nausea throughout the entire day, but I can't complain. It isn't like I invented that symptom. My husband thinks I am getting a little belly as well. I have to agree. I am pretty petite to begin with at 5'4 so I am not surprised that things are already growing outward a bit.

Next week we have the 8 week ultrasound and a potential graduation from the RE. We are also meeting with one of the Midwives from the OB/GYN office. I have so many questions and concerns that I typed out two pages to remember what to ask. As soon as I can remind myself to update the blog I will be back:)

Sunday, September 27, 2009

All looks good under the hood

I am finally getting around to filling in the gap from last week. My 6 week ultrasound went well. My husband and I were super anxious about the possibility of hearing a heartbeat. Instead were able to see one! One little lima bean flashed up on the screen and was pumping away, it was just unbelievable. My husband was holding my hand the entire time. We squeezed each other simutaneously and the tears just welled up.

Everything is measuring in as should be and I will return for my 8 week follow up in a week and a half. I then believe I graduate from the IVF group. It will be a bittersweet departing. I will be under the care of an MFM group and am delighted that I already have several appointments on the books. I personally know several of the docs in this perinatal group so I feel like I already have an advantage in building a relationshop.

I have to keep reminding myself that I have to take each day as it comes and it is still very early so anything can happen. Each morning I get up and check out my belly in the mirror, nothing new to report. I still look the same. However this morning as I did my routine and looked down at my non-existent belly I threw up on my feet. I guess the morning sickness may be setting in.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Fall in Vermont

There is no better time in Vermont than the Fall. In fact it is my favorite season in all of New England. The crisp morning air, pumpkins, corn husks, hay bales and the smell of leaves. I just love it. The leaves are just starting to change color and all the decorations of summer are being replaced with fall design.

This past weekend we enjoyed a wedding in Stowe and a visit from my parents. We hit the British Invasion car show, which was really cool the first 10 minutes but there is only so many cars I can see before I want to steal one and get out of there. We walked around cute, quaint downtown Stowe, had lunch at the Green Mountain Inn and also dined at Topnotch's restaurant Norma's. For those that have never traveled to Stowe, Topnotch is by far one of the best spas I have ever been, hands down fab.

The wedding was held at Stowe Mountain and was also a blast. I must admit it was the first wedding I can remember where I didn't drink. Not to mention the first time in a few weeks where I have been around a lot of drunk people. Not that I am a total booze bag, but weddings and cocktails go hand and hand. I must say with a sober mind and body I was able to appreciate a lot more of the wedding decor, venue and music. All in all I had a great time, such a fun group of guests. My husband sure ripped up the dance floor like I have never seen him before. I have video to prove it. However we are coming up on our one year anniversary and I would like to stay married, so I won't be posting it.

Sunday was another fantastic day where we hit the Stowe Farmer's Market and Cold Hollow Cider Mill. One of the best things about Vermont is all the Farmer's Markets. Lots of VT towns have them and they are full of local handmade crafts, organic produce and often even live music. The Cider Mill is also a really neat place. The donuts are to die for. I just love dipping them in hot cider. In fact at our wedding we had hot cider from Cold Hollow to keep people warm before the ceremony. I have been a fan ever since. All in all a great fall weekend in VT and a great way to keep my mind busy while awaiting my first ultrasound.

I have to head to Western Mass tomorrow and luckily was able to switch my 6 week U/S from Friday to tomorrow! I am excited but also very nervous. It is still so early that it is hard to think more than a day at a time. The waiting is the worst part. Once I can officially see what is going on in there I hope to breathe a sigh of relief, that is until I have another Ultrasound. I still dont really have any symptoms other than my boobs are killing me and I tire easily. I have been having some cramps as well but I hope those are just growing pains :) All in all I feel pretty good. I have my post op appointment for my gallbladder surgery today and other than my stomach looking like a junkies road map I feel back to my old self. I hope I am not jinxing myself for what may come.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

I love my new pillow :)

My new pillow is the bomb. Even though it took almost 3 weeks to get, I am madly in love. I obviously don't have a bump, but it provides support for my back right now which has been bothering me lately. As you get bigger in pregnancy it aids in cushioning your stomach as well. I have always heard that The Company Store had the best pillows and now I am a firm believer. Sooner or later there will be no room for my husband and we will have to upgrade to that California King I have been leaving hints about. Next up I am buying a body pillow. He calls my new pillows the Great Wall, I call them a good nights sleep. The best part of my new pillow lover is that I can take him with me, he folds up, has handles and doesn't snore.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

I got my BFP!!

I have been meaning to post but have been putting it off until my second beta. My first beta came in at 442 at 10dp5dt and my second was 865 at 12dp5dt!! I am officially pregnant at 4 weeks 4 days. We are super excited and the anticipated birth date is nothing other than my birthday, May 19th!!

The first ultrasound at 6 weeks is next Friday. We can't wait to see what is going on in there and hopefully hear a heartbeat. No real symptoms yet. I seem to get really tired at the end of the day but I did have an organ removed two weeks ago, so who knows!

I feel relieved and less stressed, despite the roller coaster of a life the last two months, it has all been worth it. I just hope and pray that things progress on schedule and we have this very interesting story to tell our child someday :)

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

To Pee or Not to Pee That is the Question (On a stick that is)

I am now 8dp5dt. I finally caved and raided Walmart. I was just there last week and despite the fact that I think it is one of the scariest places on earth, I did see a huge display of Equate pregnancy tests. All 5,000 of them were screaming at me to pee on them. I managed to hold off until Sunday and I bought 12, yes 12. At 4 bucks a pop I figured why not! I have been POAS at a rate of 3 a day, like a junky I can't get enough. One in the morning, one in the afternoon, at one of many rest stops, and one before bed. I brought them outside in the daylight, under my office light and even asked my niece if she saw two lines. While the extra line started off very faint it has been getting darker and darker each day.

The Irish in me is extremely superstitious. I actually debated about even mentioning my results, as I didn't want to jinx anything. I needed to remind myself why I started the blog in the first place and that the support will be there regardless of the outcome. I am trying to remain optimistic but I know the statistics and percentages as well.

Friday is my BW and I plan to go first thing in the morning. Then I am going to stalk my IVF clinic until I get my HCG results, to be continued.....

PS. I am not going back to Walmart again any time soon:)

Friday, September 4, 2009

Anxiety is setting in- 3dp5dt

Today I am finally feeling better. While my stomach still looks like a battlefield I am much more mobile and in less pain. I guess I have hidden the emotional impact the last week has had on me. It dawned on me today that there is the very real possibility that I am pregnant. I want to run off to Walmart and clear the entire shelf of home pregnancy tests. I know it is way too early but the anxiety of every ache and cramp is overwhelming. I can't really place the pain. Is it the hole where my gallbladder use to be, or is it the nestling of my embryos getting comfy? I can feel the anxiety setting in and I just wish the 11th would hurry up and get here. There is no way I can wait that long before I pee on a stick but today is way to early right??

We found out that of the 6 remaining embryos, 3 failed to grow and the other 3 we can put on ice. I feel blessed to have some remaining but just really hope this is it.

I really appreciate all the kind words and encouragement. I am lucky to have such a wonderful support system of family, friends and fellow bloggers. It isn't an easy road, so it definitely helps to have others out there in the same boat.

As I have said before my husband has been amazing. I never knew he could do so much laundry and cleaning, all those years I thought it was a handicap. He even went so far as buying me underwear at Kohls. That is love. These aren't nice underwear either, these are the underwear you swear you wouldn't even be buried in.

I am also extremely bored so the time is going by so slowly. I have decided to tackle the wedding scrapbook thing today. I have put it off long enough. First I am buying a maternity body pillow from The Company Store. It is exactly what I need right now. Yes, I know I shouldn't jinx it, but my belly already hurts from the surgery and I will use it anyway. Friends have told me it is the best sleep ever. My hubby made a wall of pillows between us in the bed so he doesn't roll over onto me. He tosses and rolls like crazy. Then I am going to buy the
Benriner Turning Slicer. This thing looks awesome and I have always loved veggie pasta so I figure I will try it out. Thanks Kristen! Being laid up isn't a good thing for an addicted online shopper, but I have a coupon so I can validate it.

Cheers to a wonderful Labor Day weekend!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Gallbladders are overated

When I first started blogging I made the comment that maybe I was destined to be a poster child for IVF. Well that belief has since changed. Now I believe I am the poster child for everything that could possibly go wrong in a IVF cycle. Well hopefully not :)

For those that may need a little background, I have had side effects from the beginning. Most have been bearable but the bloat and headaches have led me to the ER and many late night calls to the IVF office. Just when I thought I was over the hump and readying for my transfer I hit yet another roadblock.

My retrieval was a success with 12 eggs, 10 of which fertilized.We were anticipating a 5-day transfer today. Everything looked great and our embies were all A students. However over the weekend I began to feel tremendous pain in my abdomen. I was prepared for the bloat and cramping from retrieval, but I just knew something wasn't right.

On Saturday my hubby brought me yet again to the ER. After every possible test under the sun I was thought to have either liver inflammation, gallstones stuck somewhere or blood in my belly. Turns out one of those conditions wasn't enough and I ended up with all three. With all that being said I had my gallbladder and the golf ball sized stones removed Monday. All of this of course has to fall on the day before the transfer. I was beside myself thinking a cancellation was imminent.

I feel blessed that all the GI's, General Surgery Physicians and RE staff worked together to make it possible for our transfer to still occur. Honestly after 4 days in the hospital we counted 16 different docs involved in our case. The RE docs are beyond wonderful and everyone was so compassionate and sensitive to our situation. It was a first for everyone. Not every day does one perform an organ removal and then a embryo transfer the next day. I definitely think I may end up in a medical journal.

The environment and condition weren't ideal but after the options were reviewed we were ready to take the chance. We could of just frozen our already perfect embryos and risked the chance of a lower success with a cryo emby transfer. We could of started a whole new cycle from scratch. Luckily we were all able to come to an agreement. Frankly I don't think I could go through this again, at least not anytime soon.

I was discharged this afternoon and wheeled down to the cold room for the transfer. The embryologist was excited to brag to us about our embryos. We lost a few embryos in the growing process and had 8 remaining from the 10. We will find out tomorrow how many are remaining to be frozen.

We were even given a picture of our lovelies in transfer. Hopefuly all goes well considering that I will be recovering from gallbladder surgery at the same time. I like to think I am never given more than I can handle, so we are remaining optimistic. Only 10 days until my first blood test so lots of rosary rubbing going on.

My hubby was by my side the entire time and even slept next to me for 3 nights in the hospital. Here is a pic of him all dolled up in his transfer attire. He looked like a cross between a painter, an embalmer and a hot mess. They don't make those get-ups in Husky sizes. It was a surreal experience watching the transfer on the screen. We could actually see the release of the embryos.

Despite the fact that I was delirious I remembered to have my hubby bring my four leaf clover and my fertility socks! I refused to show my face in a picture today, not feeling so pretty.

Lastly here are our embies in utero! The line points directly to the embryos, one right next to the other. I just hope and pray they find a nice resting place and settle in for the long haul. Time for a pain pill and some rest. :)

Friday, August 28, 2009

Operation retrieval complete

Yesterday we had the retrieval and I am happy to announce that 12 embryos were retrieved!. Of the 12, 10 have fertilized! The docs were surprised there weren't more to retrieve, but I guess I was beginning to ovulate. Timing is definitely of the essence in this process. The 10 were taken from the left ovary and 2 from the right. I woke up in pretty bad pain and the bloat hasn't subsided at all. I guess I should just suck it up and take stock out in everything elastic.

With my four leaf clover in hand I anxiously awaited my turn. There was one other woman who was before me. I must say it is kind of odd being on the other side of a sheet of another IVF'er. The anxiety is all that much more. I guess the first thing everyone asks when they wake up is "how many?" I know because not only did she ask, but my husband said that was the first thing out of my mouth as well.

All in all the process wasn't so bad. I was sedated and I woke up in pain, that is about as much as I can remember. We are hoping our little embies continue to grow over the weekend. Funny how they say be prepared for a call in the morning on Sunday, Tuesday or Wednesday. We would like to be able to go to a 5-6 day transfer but we will take it as it comes.

Lastly, I lied. I am not done with all the poking and prodding. I forgot about the progesterone suppositories. I refuse to discuss this because for once I don't have many words other than gross, disgusting and diaper.

Here is a pic of me right before I was wheeled into the cold room. My friend found the four leaf clover in her yard and mailed it off just in time. I found a cute frame for 3 bucks at Micheal's and used a glue dot to stick it to a square of our wedding invitation. I love it!

My hubby took my pic and I must say he really is an amazing man. I am blessed to have him. Before I could even ask "how many" he was already fixing my hair and telling me he loved me. Really that makes it all that much easier.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

No more shots!!!

We made it through the last shot!. At 11:15pm last night I very happily jabbed the HCG trigger into my thigh. My hubby and I actually high fived and then made out. I know sorry to much information, but we were just so relieved to have it over with.

I just can't wait until tomorrow. I feel pretty awful today and the lack of sleep is really catching up with me. The gremlins that are twisting my ovaries are really uncomfortable and I just can't kick the never ending headache. I was given some lovely suppositories for the nausea. However, I would like to have at least one day where I don't put something into an orifice. I may not be able to hold out, we will see.

I read up on people being really sore from the injections but up until the last 2 days I was alright. Now it actually hurts to sit. As I am typing I have two ice packs in my underwear. There is nothing glamorous about this process.

We had some of my hubby's family over for dinner last night and it was nice to get my mind off stuff. I cut my hair 7 inches yesterday and no one really mentioned anything. That usually translates into people didn't notice or didn't like it. Either way I feel a little liberated. I have tons of hair and the meds were making it really dry. In fact my hair always resembled Sebastian Bach's in high school, just to give you an idea of how long and thick it is/was. (SB is the lead singer of Skid Row for those who forgot :)

I was so close to doing Locks for Love but I couldn't bare the Kate Gosselin hair-do if I went for it. It has to be 10 inches and I just couldn't do it. I am not a mom yet!

I have my last Acupuncture appointment today before tomorrow's retrieval. I am really hoping it helps with the bloat and anxiety again.

I started juicing today after being convinced from my online blogging buddy Kristen at Of course this is just added into my normal food eating routine. I figured I will try anything to relieve some of the side effects.

On a side note, I got the best four leaf clover in the mail. I was so excited to see that the fourth leaf wasn't glued on. I plan to put it in glass some time today, that is if I can muster the strength to move my fat sore ass

Monday, August 24, 2009

Final Countdown.......

I can't believe it is down to the wire. The last week on Bravelle and Repronex have pretty much sucked the life out of me. My first TVUS, three days into the shots, revealed several follicles measuring in at an average of 9mm. I counted 18, my hubby 14. My blood work came back that my estrogen levels were sky rocketing, so they lowered my dosage to 2 vials Bravelle and 2 Repronex. Friday ultrasound had all of my follies showing growth of 2mm a day and averaging about 10.5mm and my E2 level was 1026.

What was supposed to be a relaxing weekend, before yet another fun Sunday TVUS, turned into a nightmare. I woke at 4 am on Sunday morning with the most violent migraine. The only thing I remember doing after opening my eyes is throwing up on the floor. This went on every 15 minutes until 11am. I was so close to going to the hospital but didn't want to get stuck in the ER. I figured my fertility people might be able to give me something instead. My poor hubby thought I was near death and I am pretty sure at times that I resembled that chick from the Exorcist, minus the bad skin. Trashcan in hand we made it to the IVF clinic for 9am, but not before I threw up in the parking garage. Somehow I made it through the TVUS. I could sense the fear in the doc and nurse's voice as they wondered if I was going to vom. Like clockwork after 15 minutes I sure did. So they sent me to the ER for observation. My past migraines were always easily fixed with a shot of Demerol but they gave me some anti nauz stuff that just made me really irritable and agitated. All I wanted was to pull out my IV and run away.

So in a nutshell we spent Sunday in the hospital. You would think by now I would be a pro at all the poking and prodding but I am so over it. Sunday's ultrasound revealed 6 small follicles on the right and the bigger ones meauring in at 12, 11, 9, and 15. Left side has the most activity with 5 small ones and 8 bigger follicles at 14,12, 13, 15, 14, 15, 14,15. When they get to 18mm is when they want to give the trigger shot.

Today was the last US before retrieval. The bigger follies are measuring in at 14, 15 and 16. I have some smaller ones in the 9mm range still. Looks like about 20-22 all together. My E2 level is at 2463. I have now been given a game plan for retrieval.

Tonight is my last shot of Gonadotropins and Lupron. Tuesday night is my trigger shot of HCG. Wednesday I get to stare at the clock and then finally Thursday I get these things out! I can't wait and either can my husband. The bloat is the worst, even my underwear and bra leave indentations in my skin.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Let the Stemming Begin

So yesterday was my first day of stemming. My Lupron dose was cut in half to 5 units and I began the 1ml mixture of Repronex and Bravelle. Just when I thought I had a handle on the Lupron injections, I have to introduce his two friends into my system. All I can say is that it wasn't fun. I don't know what put me into panic mode but I got an extreme amount of anxiety watching my hubby doing all that mixing. The pulling and injecting back in and then out and swishing and swirling and capping and uncapping. Maybe the anticipation was what got to me but I was really petrified of this new 90 degree angle thing.

Surprisingly the shot itself wasn't as painful as I convinced myself it would be, but the aftermath was. I am definitely going to have to move those injections around. I took the first one in my thigh and this morning it feels like a hundred little punches in my leg and it hurts to walk. I assume this is normal and I just have to deal.

I am heading to Lake George this afternoon for an overnight with my family and a day at the races in Saratoga. Hopefully my niece and two nephews can keep my mind off the stomach twisting and headaches. I just have to keep pushing through it or I would just collapse. I knew this would be an emotional journey but above all I am exhausted. Here is to hoping I am exhausted for other reasons in the near future.

Here is a shot of the new shots, minus the new needles and q-caps. My sister will be giving me the latest and greatest tonight. I am a pro at doing the Lupron in my stomach. Maybe by the third shot I will take over. I am not making any promises though :)

Friday, August 14, 2009


I started my week with an Acupuncture session. I figured introducing a little Eastern medicine to my already overloaded Western medicine cabinet couldn't hurt. I have read up on the benefits of acupuncture in fertility treatments and while the jury is still out I actually really enjoyed it. There definitely is something to be said about being able to relax through this whole process. I have another appointment next week and am throwing in a little Thai body work session as well. I just love Thai massage. I will never forget seeing my husband suspended in the air by a 130 lb Thai women while we honeymooned in Thailand. It is just plain spectacular.

Today was the day I have been waiting for all week. Besides having to hold a full bladder, a semi unpleasant TVUS and trial catheter pass I have been given the green light to begin the Gonadatropins on Monday. Luckily my hubby remembers how to mix the Repronex and Bravelle since I have a very limited attention span these days.

On a side note, I came across a blog on Yodeling Mamas from a woman who just recently was diagnosed with unexplained infertility. While she is posting anoymously I thought I would share her link in the hopes of some support and encouragement.

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. I plan to sweat the entire time.

Monday, August 10, 2009

I officially have whiskers!

About 3 years ago my sister and I realized that if you tweeze your eyebrows and then have a wild night of drinking you would wake up with regrowth like you wouldn't believe. I know that was a major run on sentence. Anyway there is a purpose to this story. Today and the last few days I have woken up with regrowth., wait drum roll... I wasn't drinking the night before. It is the LUPRON! I am officially growing a beard. Okay a bit dramatized, but my niece Riley did notice some hairs on my moles and I had plucked them the day before! I try to make light of this situation because it keeps me semi-sane but this just isn't cool anymore. I figure the combo of prenatal vitamins, the lupron and the BCP's are tricking my body into thinking I am an adolescent 13 year old boy and it blows. I thought I was doing okay with the injections, but I am in a full blown peri-menopausal state and it isn't going very well.

Now onto the sweats. I have been dealing with the on and off again chills and flushes but last night brought it to a whole new level. My husband woke me up at 5 am to politely tell me I wet the bed. Of course that is not what happened. I sweat through the sheets and my nightgown! I was drenched and of course with in minutes balling my eyes out. I couldn't fall back to sleep so my day was destined to suck. Then the massive make me vom headache started and by 9 am I had already thrown up twice! I really don't mean to complain. I know this will hopefully all be worth it in the end.

I just really feel out of sorts today. I mean I literally cried my eyes out over a email forwarded by my BFF. I could of won an Oscar for the dramatics. Lucky for me I love my job and once I got myself out of the house I was able to put my beard, slimy sweaty body and emotional basket face behind me. That was until I had an encounter at the Post Office.

Today is my last day of BCP's and I am counting the hours and minutes until my Friday appointment. At least my weekend was wonderful. Here is a pic of me and my nephew Brody at the birthday party. He didn't notice my whiskers :)

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Lupron, Walmart and my favorite littles

So I have been meaning to update on the beloved shot class and the weird flesh like pillow I used to train myself. Honestly that thing made me so nauz. It was like squeezing one of those stress balls but it was made to look like a mound of skin. Sorry it makes me just as sick reliving it now.

Anyway, I didn't realize the extent of all the different shots, like the mixing and the different syringes, and the bubbling factor. I have never been one to like hospitals probably because other then seeing my nephew born I haven't had great personal experiences in them. We spent about an hour going over the schedule yet again and by the 4th mention of an appointment I asked for a calendar. I think I have most of it down pat now. My baseline visit with US, BW and trial pass is on 8/14. From there I decrease my dose of Lupron from 10 amps to 5 and begin the Gonadotropins the same day. Then my schedule gets as busy as my freshman nights in college, that was totally meant to be a joke :)

So I have changed my mind, my hubby is the official shot giver here on out. I haven't had too many of the lovely Lupron side effects yet, but I feel them coming on. I definitely feel my patience level has dropped tremendously. I don't advise going to Walmart either when you are on Lupron. I am pretty sure I growled at the woman who was taking too long in the self-checkout.

Today is my beautiful niece Riley's Birthday. She is 4 going on 18. She makes me laugh and is full of life. My hubby and I will be heading down to my hometown this weekend to celebrate. My adorable nephew Robbie turns 6 on the 21st. They are just wonderful, caring, gorgeous kids. I know everyone says that but really they are topnotch. They make us want children, even more.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Sorry, but it is not as bad as the chain letter that predicts your demise

Yesterday I was so graciously presented with a blog award. I don't really know what for but it definitely made me feel like I was the first kid picked in gym class. Smiles all around my home office. Of course I am desperately afraid that if I don't comply I will be shunned from the blog world, JK. My new blog buddy Eileen poked me with props so I feel it is only appropriate to post her blog and for you all to check it out!
Leave her some encouraging words and check out some beach wedding shots that will make you want to move asap!
So the rules of being blog saluted are verbatim what I just cut and pasted below!!

Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link. Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve newly discovered. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award. Here is the list of newly discovered blogs that I am tagging for this lovely award!

I am still fairly new to this blog world so I don't quite follow 15 Blogs yet but these are the ones I check out often and enjoy.
***Some of these ladies may or may not have already been nominated, I couldn't really tell.. Enjoy :)
A Few Good Sperm
Divine Secrets of the Infertility Sisterhood
Fertility Socks
How Babies Are Really Made
IVF here I come!
My journey with Endometriosis
My Journey- through IVF
One Day at a Time
Our Infertility Journey
Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters
The Sassy Infertile Lady
Trying for a baby

Sunday, August 2, 2009

My Kitchen Table Looks like a Crack Den!

Needles, syringes, suppositories OH MY!! Here is a picture of all the lovelies in their glory as they sit on my table just waiting to be absorbed into my skin. Gotta love the Biohazard bin, I always wanted one of those to keep in the kitchen to freak out dinner guests! JK

I had a lovely Saturday basking in the sun, reading, swimming and watching my hubby fly fish. I was so excited to come home and find these waiting for me in the mailbox! I was in utter sock shock! How could someone I have never met been so dead on when it came to socks for me?

I mean my hubby and I even incorporated a cosmo into our engagement photos! I love love love these socks and I will wear wear wear them at my next appointment. A huge thanks and hugs to Emily at This woman rocks with her socks on and off!

Friday, July 31, 2009

Snails pace no more!

What a whirlwind of a week. All that waiting and anticipation has finally paid off. I officially have a calendar of dates and appointments over the next 4 weeks! It's like Christmas but syringes and drugs were not what I had on my list.

I need to update on the not so fun "shot clinic" and take some pics of all the great goopy things that come in the mail. Looking forward to a relaxing weekend with my hubby. He went to visit some family in Utah and I haven't seen him in over a week, keeps the marriage fresh! He definitely needed a trip to prepare for what lies ahead when the great wrath of Brooke takes over. Yes I said my real name.

So I will follow up as soon as I can but it looks like my calendar is booked the month of August. Finally!!

8/10 Half way through Lupron, Last BCP

8/14 Ultrasound

8/17 Gonadotropin injections start

8/21 Ultrasound, E level monitoring

8/23 Ultrasound, more poking and prodding, hopefully HCG injection around this time as well.


As most of you know this is a lot more complicated than the above, but I rather make it look like a short list then the long one it really is.

I also want to give a shout out to my beautiful parents who on 8/1/09 celebrate their 39th anniversary. They are why I believe in respect, love and commitment. I love these peeps!!

Everyone have a wonderful weekend! Ciao for now

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Finally.... oh and those prenatal vitamins are making me wicked nauseous

I can finally breathe a sigh of relief after hearing from the IVF nurse. I don't know why I got myself all worked up over the blood work, but I most certainly did. I had most of the tests done before I got married so I was 100% sure none of that changed. I was worried about the FSH levels. Since I had been suppressing my ovulation with BCP's for several years due to endo, I convinced myself that I shocked my body into a peri-menopausal state and the biweekly bleeding was more "the change of life" then a legit cycle. Anyway my levels came back in the range they like to see for an IVF candidate, so I am happy to hear that.

I am getting pushed back a bit on the beginning of the Lupron shots. I guess my history deems a MFM consult before they want to go ahead. Not that it throws me off for the retrieval or transfer days in late August so that is a relief.

So I got confirmation that the prenatal vitamins can have side effects and I am pretty sure I have them all. I never have been one to get nauseous off of vitamins or really any px drug so I was surprised that they make me feel like I am going to vom. I was taking them with food but it really stays with me into the late morning. I started taking them at night now and they still screw with my stomach but not so bad, but my dreams are insane. Anyway I guess I can relax the next few days and await my much anticipated drug package in the mail.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Let The Games Begin

What a wonderful last weekend for a prelude into an IVF cycle. I saw some of my oldest friends from prep school and my hometown, so if this is my last hurrah for a while it was well worth it.

Well as expected nature took its course and I just began BCP's on the 3rd day of my cycle (Tuesday). Like clockwork every two weeks, not fun. We had our psych eval, painless actually, nothing I was remotely surprised by. I had my extensive blood work done as well on the first day of BCP's and yeah I am not so into the whole "my blood" thing. I had no idea that they tested you for that many things. I mean HIV, ABO, RH, CMV Antibody, FSH, Hep B, Human T-Cell Lympho Virus, Rubella, Syphilis, Hep C. I guess most of these tests are the norm, but wow that was a lot of vials! Of course my husband put his blood work off until today and yes I had my first real freakout on him. I count this six weeks by the hour and minute, well almost.

I started a binder with all my notes, co-pays and visits and I think I am beginning to treat this like my wedding planning, except it is not so Marthaesque. So I am waiting for the next course of action into the BCP's. I am only 3 days in and I am already anxious to get all the meds, dates and appts scheduled. I also did the forbidden, yep I did, the estimated birth date thing. I was told not to do that and well I beat the shrink to it. I don't think I should share this, but if my math and gods will work in my favor, I would be due right on or right before my bday, May 19th. Of course assuming there is no break or change in the next six weeks. Anybody that knows me well knows I am extremely impatient and like a quick ROI (return on investment) with anything I put time into. If that doesn't mess with your head I don't know what does. Yes, I know I am jumping the gun. I know that the IVF clinic I am with has a 45-50% rate, but I felt that strong need for that calculator.

I also feel like I am in a bidding war with fertility pharmacies, half of the pills and drugs I can't even pronounce. I am having nightmares over co-pays, deductibles and free delivery. At least tomorrow is Friday and my best girlfriend from high school is flying in from SLC. I will feel better soon :)

Friday, July 10, 2009

TGIF!! What a week!

So I finally have some down time! Why is it that the week following a long weekend is the longest week ever?? I traveled for the majority of the week in UPS New York. I ended up losing one of my contacts and well I really really can't see with one in and one missing. Of course my glasses don't have my latest prescription so yes you are hearing me correctly I bought an eye patch. No it wasn't black it was um flesh colored. I had no choice I was going to hit something, someone or hurt myself if I kept both eyes open. It was making me cross eyed! So basically I did an inservice for an audience of 10 docs and a few nurses with an eye patch on. Surprisingly they didn't seem to notice or care, perhaps they were scared. Overall it was a good call, maybe I will keep it! .

On the IVF front I got a call from the "Insurance Coordinator" at the hospital where I will be having my procedure. She might as well been speaking a foreign language ,but luckily I had done my homework and had an inkling of an idea of what she was talking about. Unbeknownst to me I guess there are actual "Fertility" Pharmacies?? I figured I would be able to get the majority of the meds from my local Osco. Um well apparently not, perhaps it is different in each state. I was told about three that exist and that I could contact them or they would be contacting me. So my question is where do I begin? Does anyone recommend a specific pharmacy? I have heard good things about Freedom Fertility but then again I guess it really does depend on your insurance coverage.

On a side note I put the call into the Psychiatrist for the eval and well she hasn't responded yet. I am trying not to get annoyed but I need to be deemed stable and sane before we can go any further and she hasn't returned my call! I guess I will give it to Monday. I just know she books out a few weeks and I really want to get going on things asap. If my calendar serves me correctly then I will be beginning my BCP's on Sunday. Unless of course a miracle happens.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. My husband and I are having a clambake at our house and anticipating about 50 guests. I am so excited to be surrounded by my family and friends, I never feel like I get to see them enough! Cheers!

Friday, July 3, 2009

Fertility Socks

I am so new to this whole blogging thing. Just when I think I know what I am doing I have to start all over.

I did however find a really neat website that send socks to women going through fertility treatments. The socks aren't sent because fertility treatments are so expensive and then women can't afford socks but rather as a means of support and humor. Socks can really make or break someones day. I mean... most people don't put on the fun socks if they aren't happy or positive about something.

With all those endless appointments stuck in stir-ups it seems appropriate to wear something fun and colorful, besides that metal can be really cold. It appears the website takes donations but the shipping is all done out of pocket by the founder. Such a cool idea. Once I get mine I'll be sure to take a pic, just not in the stir-ups.

Hope everyone has a wonderful and safe 4th!

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Different road, same destination

The journey has begun, or at least the decision has been made. We have taken the advice from our RE and have chosen to move forward with IVF!!

For the last 12 years of my life I have suffered from ovarian cysts, endometriosis, four surgeries and one ectopic pregnancy. In no way am I looking for a petri pity party. I feel lucky to have the option. I know there are many of "us" out there. I wanted to more or less address the stigma of IVF and share my story as we begin the process.

I have had plenty of time to prepare myself for the one phrase most women never want to hear, "you may have fertility issues". Maybe it will never be explained, maybe I am destined to be a poster child for IVF, maybe I am just not "naturally" lucky, but I am excited and I am ready for the challenge, the stress, and most of all the very real possibility of becoming a mother.

One thing we always knew we both wanted was to become parents. I mean we have had names picked out for years!

The next step is another meeting with the Reproductive Endocrinology group on 7/13 to address the map of meds, shots and many emotional freak outs! Then onto the psych eval. I mean if Octomom passed then I am sure we will be fine!!