Operation retrieval complete

Yesterday we had the retrieval and I am happy to announce that 12 embryos were retrieved!. Of the 12, 10 have fertilized! The docs were surprised there weren't more to retrieve, but I guess I was beginning to ovulate. Timing is definitely of the essence in this process. The 10 were taken from the left ovary and 2 from the right. I woke up in pretty bad pain and the bloat hasn't subsided at all. I guess I should just suck it up and take stock out in everything elastic.

With my four leaf clover in hand I anxiously awaited my turn. There was one other woman who was before me. I must say it is kind of odd being on the other side of a sheet of another IVF'er. The anxiety is all that much more. I guess the first thing everyone asks when they wake up is "how many?" I know because not only did she ask, but my husband said that was the first thing out of my mouth as well.

All in all the process wasn't so bad. I was sedated and I woke up in pain, that is about as much as I can remember. We are hoping our little embies continue to grow over the weekend. Funny how they say be prepared for a call in the morning on Sunday, Tuesday or Wednesday. We would like to be able to go to a 5-6 day transfer but we will take it as it comes.

Lastly, I lied. I am not done with all the poking and prodding. I forgot about the progesterone suppositories. I refuse to discuss this because for once I don't have many words other than gross, disgusting and diaper.

Here is a pic of me right before I was wheeled into the cold room. My friend found the four leaf clover in her yard and mailed it off just in time. I found a cute frame for 3 bucks at Micheal's and used a glue dot to stick it to a square of our wedding invitation. I love it!

My hubby took my pic and I must say he really is an amazing man. I am blessed to have him. Before I could even ask "how many" he was already fixing my hair and telling me he loved me. Really that makes it all that much easier.

No more shots!!!

We made it through the last shot!. At 11:15pm last night I very happily jabbed the HCG trigger into my thigh. My hubby and I actually high fived and then made out. I know sorry to much information, but we were just so relieved to have it over with.

I just can't wait until tomorrow. I feel pretty awful today and the lack of sleep is really catching up with me. The gremlins that are twisting my ovaries are really uncomfortable and I just can't kick the never ending headache. I was given some lovely suppositories for the nausea. However, I would like to have at least one day where I don't put something into an orifice. I may not be able to hold out, we will see.

I read up on people being really sore from the injections but up until the last 2 days I was alright. Now it actually hurts to sit. As I am typing I have two ice packs in my underwear. There is nothing glamorous about this process.

We had some of my hubby's family over for dinner last night and it was nice to get my mind off stuff. I cut my hair 7 inches yesterday and no one really mentioned anything. That usually translates into people didn't notice or didn't like it. Either way I feel a little liberated. I have tons of hair and the meds were making it really dry. In fact my hair always resembled Sebastian Bach's in high school, just to give you an idea of how long and thick it is/was. (SB is the lead singer of Skid Row for those who forgot :)

I was so close to doing Locks for Love but I couldn't bare the Kate Gosselin hair-do if I went for it. It has to be 10 inches and I just couldn't do it. I am not a mom yet!

I have my last Acupuncture appointment today before tomorrow's retrieval. I am really hoping it helps with the bloat and anxiety again.

I started juicing today after being convinced from my online blogging buddy Kristen at http://kristensraw.blogspot.com/. Of course this is just added into my normal food eating routine. I figured I will try anything to relieve some of the side effects.

On a side note, I got the best four leaf clover in the mail. I was so excited to see that the fourth leaf wasn't glued on. I plan to put it in glass some time today, that is if I can muster the strength to move my fat sore ass.

Final Countdown.......

I can't believe it is down to the wire. The last week on Bravelle and Repronex have pretty much sucked the life out of me. My first TVUS, three days into the shots, revealed several follicles measuring in at an average of 9mm. I counted 18, my hubby 14. My blood work came back that my estrogen levels were sky rocketing, so they lowered my dosage to 2 vials Bravelle and 2 Repronex. Friday ultrasound had all of my follies showing growth of 2mm a day and averaging about 10.5mm and my E2 level was 1026.

What was supposed to be a relaxing weekend, before yet another fun Sunday TVUS, turned into a nightmare. I woke at 4 am on Sunday morning with the most violent migraine. The only thing I remember doing after opening my eyes is throwing up on the floor. This went on every 15 minutes until 11am. I was so close to going to the hospital but didn't want to get stuck in the ER. I figured my fertility people might be able to give me something instead. My poor hubby thought I was near death and I am pretty sure at times that I resembled that chick from the Exorcist, minus the bad skin. Trashcan in hand we made it to the IVF clinic for 9am, but not before I threw up in the parking garage. Somehow I made it through the TVUS. I could sense the fear in the doc and nurse's voice as they wondered if I was going to vom. Like clockwork after 15 minutes I sure did. So they sent me to the ER for observation. My past migraines were always easily fixed with a shot of Demerol but they gave me some anti nauz stuff that just made me really irritable and agitated. All I wanted was to pull out my IV and run away.

So in a nutshell we spent Sunday in the hospital. You would think by now I would be a pro at all the poking and prodding but I am so over it. Sunday's ultrasound revealed 6 small follicles on the right and the bigger ones meauring in at 12, 11, 9, and 15. Left side has the most activity with 5 small ones and 8 bigger follicles at 14,12, 13, 15, 14, 15, 14,15. When they get to 18mm is when they want to give the trigger shot.

Today was the last US before retrieval. The bigger follies are measuring in at 14, 15 and 16. I have some smaller ones in the 9mm range still. Looks like about 20-22 all together. My E2 level is at 2463. I have now been given a game plan for retrieval.

Tonight is my last shot of Gonadotropins and Lupron. Tuesday night is my trigger shot of HCG. Wednesday I get to stare at the clock and then finally Thursday I get these things out! I can't wait and either can my husband. The bloat is the worst, even my underwear and bra leave indentations in my skin.

Let the Stemming Begin

So yesterday was my first day of stemming. My Lupron dose was cut in half to 5 units and I began the 1ml mixture of Repronex and Bravelle. Just when I thought I had a handle on the Lupron injections, I have to introduce his two friends into my system. All I can say is that it wasn't fun. I don't know what put me into panic mode but I got an extreme amount of anxiety watching my hubby doing all that mixing. The pulling and injecting back in and then out and swishing and swirling and capping and uncapping. Maybe the anticipation was what got to me but I was really petrified of this new 90 degree angle thing.


Surprisingly the shot itself wasn't as painful as I convinced myself it would be, but the aftermath was. I am definitely going to have to move those injections around. I took the first one in my thigh and this morning it feels like a hundred little punches in my leg and it hurts to walk. I assume this is normal and I just have to deal.


I am heading to Lake George this afternoon for an overnight with my family and a day at the races in Saratoga. Hopefully my niece and two nephews can keep my mind off the stomach twisting and headaches. I just have to keep pushing through it or I would just collapse. I knew this would be an emotional journey but above all I am exhausted. Here is to hoping I am exhausted for other reasons in the near future.

Here is a shot of the new shots, minus the new needles and q-caps. My sister will be giving me the latest and greatest tonight. I am a pro at doing the Lupron in my stomach. Maybe by the third shot I will take over. I am not making any promises though :)

TGIF

I started my week with an Acupuncture session. I figured introducing a little Eastern medicine to my already overloaded Western medicine cabinet couldn't hurt. I have read up on the benefits of acupuncture in fertility treatments and while the jury is still out I actually really enjoyed it. There definitely is something to be said about being able to relax through this whole process. I have another appointment next week and am throwing in a little Thai body work session as well. I just love Thai massage. I will never forget seeing my husband suspended in the air by a 130 lb Thai women while we honeymooned in Thailand. It is just plain spectacular.

Today was the day I have been waiting for all week. Besides having to hold a full bladder, a semi unpleasant TVUS and trial catheter pass I have been given the green light to begin the Gonadatropins on Monday. Luckily my hubby remembers how to mix the Repronex and Bravelle since I have a very limited attention span these days.

On a side note, I came across a blog on Yodeling Mamas from a woman who just recently was diagnosed with unexplained infertility. While she is posting anoymously I thought I would share her link in the hopes of some support and encouragement. http://www.yodelingmamas.com/blog/?p=293.

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. I plan to sweat the entire time.

I officially have whiskers!

About 3 years ago my sister and I realized that if you tweeze your eyebrows and then have a wild night of drinking you would wake up with regrowth like you wouldn't believe. I know that was a major run on sentence. Anyway there is a purpose to this story. Today and the last few days I have woken up with regrowth., wait drum roll... I wasn't drinking the night before. It is the LUPRON! I am officially growing a beard. Okay a bit dramatized, but my niece Riley did notice some hairs on my moles and I had plucked them the day before! I try to make light of this situation because it keeps me semi-sane but this just isn't cool anymore. I figure the combo of prenatal vitamins, the lupron and the BCP's are tricking my body into thinking I am an adolescent 13 year old boy and it blows. I thought I was doing okay with the injections, but I am in a full blown peri-menopausal state and it isn't going very well.

Now onto the sweats. I have been dealing with the on and off again chills and flushes but last night brought it to a whole new level. My husband woke me up at 5 am to politely tell me I wet the bed. Of course that is not what happened. I sweat through the sheets and my nightgown! I was drenched and of course with in minutes balling my eyes out. I couldn't fall back to sleep so my day was destined to suck. Then the massive make me vom headache started and by 9 am I had already thrown up twice! I really don't mean to complain. I know this will hopefully all be worth it in the end.

I just really feel out of sorts today. I mean I literally cried my eyes out over a email forwarded by my BFF. I could of won an Oscar for the dramatics. Lucky for me I love my job and once I got myself out of the house I was able to put my beard, slimy sweaty body and emotional basket face behind me. That was until I had an encounter at the Post Office.

Today is my last day of BCP's and I am counting the hours and minutes until my Friday appointment. At least my weekend was wonderful. Here is a pic of me and my nephew Brody at the birthday party. He didn't notice my whiskers :)

Lupron, Walmart and my favorite littles

So I have been meaning to update on the beloved shot class and the weird flesh like pillow I used to train myself. Honestly that thing made me so nauz. It was like squeezing one of those stress balls but it was made to look like a mound of skin. Sorry it makes me just as sick reliving it now.

Anyway, I didn't realize the extent of all the different shots, like the mixing and the different syringes, and the bubbling factor. I have never been one to like hospitals probably because other then seeing my nephew born I haven't had great personal experiences in them. We spent about an hour going over the schedule yet again and by the 4th mention of an appointment I asked for a calendar. I think I have most of it down pat now. My baseline visit with US, BW and trial pass is on 8/14. From there I decrease my dose of Lupron from 10 amps to 5 and begin the Gonadotropins the same day. Then my schedule gets as busy as my freshman nights in college, that was totally meant to be a joke :)

So I have changed my mind, my hubby is the official shot giver here on out. I haven't had too many of the lovely Lupron side effects yet, but I feel them coming on. I definitely feel my patience level has dropped tremendously. I don't advise going to Walmart either when you are on Lupron. I am pretty sure I growled at the woman who was taking too long in the self-checkout.

Today is my beautiful niece Riley's Birthday. She is 4 going on 18. She makes me laugh and is full of life. My hubby and I will be heading down to my hometown this weekend to celebrate. My adorable nephew Robbie turns 6 on the 21st. They are just wonderful, caring, gorgeous kids. I know everyone says that but really they are topnotch. They make us want children, even more.

Sorry, but it is not as bad as the chain letter that predicts your demise

Yesterday I was so graciously presented with a blog award. I don't really know what for but it definitely made me feel like I was the first kid picked in gym class. Smiles all around my home office. Of course I am desperately afraid that if I don't comply I will be shunned from the blog world, JK. My new blog buddy Eileen poked me with props so I feel it is only appropriate to post her blog and for you all to check it out!

eileenburnsjin.blogspot.com/

Leave her some encouraging words and check out some beach wedding shots that will make you want to move asap!

So the rules of being blog saluted are verbatim what I just cut and pasted below!!

Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link. Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve newly discovered. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award. Here is the list of newly discovered blogs that I am tagging for this lovely award!

I am still fairly new to this blog world so I don't quite follow 15 Blogs yet but these are the ones I check out often and enjoy.

***Some of these ladies may or may not have already been nominated, I couldn't really tell.. Enjoy :)

.
A Few Good Sperm
Divine Secrets of the Infertility Sisterhood
Fertility Socks
How Babies Are Really Made
IVF here I come!
My journey with Endometriosis
My Journey- through IVF
One Day at a Time
Our Infertility Journey
Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters
The Sassy Infertile Lady
Trying for a baby

My Kitchen Table Looks like a Crack Den!

Needles, syringes, suppositories OH MY!! Here is a picture of all the lovelies in their glory as they sit on my table just waiting to be absorbed into my skin. Gotta love the Biohazard bin, I always wanted one of those to keep in the kitchen to freak out dinner guests! JK

I had a lovely Saturday basking in the sun, reading, swimming and watching my hubby fly fish. I was so excited to come home and find these waiting for me in the mailbox! I was in utter sock shock! How could someone I have never met been so dead on when it came to socks for me?

I mean my hubby and I even incorporated a cosmo into our engagement photos! I love love love these socks and I will wear wear wear them at my next appointment. A huge thanks and hugs to Emily at FertilitySocks.org. This woman rocks with her socks on and off!

Snails pace no more!

What a whirlwind of a week. All that waiting and anticipation has finally paid off. I officially have a calendar of dates and appointments over the next 4 weeks! It's like Christmas but syringes and drugs were not what I had on my list.

I need to update on the not so fun "shot clinic" and take some pics of all the great goopy things that come in the mail. Looking forward to a relaxing weekend with my hubby. He went to visit some family in Utah and I haven't seen him in over a week, keeps the marriage fresh! He definitely needed a trip to prepare for what lies ahead when the great wrath of Brooke takes over. Yes I said my real name.

So I will follow up as soon as I can but it looks like my calendar is booked the month of August. Finally!!

8/10 Half way through Lupron, Last BCP

8/14 Ultrasound

8/17 Gonadotropin injections start

8/21 Ultrasound, E level monitoring

8/23 Ultrasound, more poking and prodding, hopefully HCG injection around this time as well.

WEEK OF 8/24- RETRIEVAL and TRANSFER!!

As most of you know this is a lot more complicated than the above, but I rather make it look like a short list then the long one it really is.

I also want to give a shout out to my beautiful parents who on 8/1/09 celebrate their 39th anniversary. They are why I believe in respect, love and commitment. I love these peeps!!


Everyone have a wonderful weekend! Ciao for now

Finally.... oh and those prenatal vitamins are making me wicked nauseous

I can finally breathe a sigh of relief after hearing from the IVF nurse. I don't know why I got myself all worked up over the blood work, but I most certainly did. I had most of the tests done before I got married so I was 100% sure none of that changed. I was worried about the FSH levels. Since I had been suppressing my ovulation with BCP's for several years due to endo, I convinced myself that I shocked my body into a peri-menopausal state and the biweekly bleeding was more "the change of life" then a legit cycle. Anyway my levels came back in the range they like to see for an IVF candidate, so I am happy to hear that.

I am getting pushed back a bit on the beginning of the Lupron shots. I guess my history deems a MFM consult before they want to go ahead. Not that it throws me off for the retrieval or transfer days in late August so that is a relief.

So I got confirmation that the prenatal vitamins can have side effects and I am pretty sure I have them all. I never have been one to get nauseous off of vitamins or really any px drug so I was surprised that they make me feel like I am going to vom. I was taking them with food but it really stays with me into the late morning. I started taking them at night now and they still screw with my stomach but not so bad, but my dreams are insane. Anyway I guess I can relax the next few days and await my much anticipated drug package in the mail.

Let The Games Begin

What a wonderful last weekend for a prelude into an IVF cycle. I saw some of my oldest friends from prep school and my hometown, so if this is my last hurrah for a while it was well worth it.

Well as expected nature took its course and I just began BCP's on the 3rd day of my cycle (Tuesday). Like clockwork every two weeks, not fun. We had our psych eval, painless actually, nothing I was remotely surprised by. I had my extensive blood work done as well on the first day of BCP's and yeah I am not so into the whole "my blood" thing. I had no idea that they tested you for that many things. I mean HIV, ABO, RH, CMV Antibody, FSH, Hep B, Human T-Cell Lympho Virus, Rubella, Syphilis, Hep C. I guess most of these tests are the norm, but wow that was a lot of vials! Of course my husband put his blood work off until today and yes I had my first real freakout on him. I count this six weeks by the hour and minute, well almost.

I started a binder with all my notes, co-pays and visits and I think I am beginning to treat this like my wedding planning, except it is not so Marthaesque. So I am waiting for the next course of action into the BCP's. I am only 3 days in and I am already anxious to get all the meds, dates and appts scheduled. I also did the forbidden, yep I did, the estimated birth date thing. I was told not to do that and well I beat the shrink to it. I don't think I should share this, but if my math and gods will work in my favor, I would be due right on or right before my bday, May 19th. Of course assuming there is no break or change in the next six weeks. Anybody that knows me well knows I am extremely impatient and like a quick ROI (return on investment) with anything I put time into. If that doesn't mess with your head I don't know what does. Yes, I know I am jumping the gun. I know that the IVF clinic I am with has a 45-50% rate, but I felt that strong need for that calculator.

I also feel like I am in a bidding war with fertility pharmacies, half of the pills and drugs I can't even pronounce. I am having nightmares over co-pays, deductibles and free delivery. At least tomorrow is Friday and my best girlfriend from high school is flying in from SLC. I will feel better soon :)

TGIF!! What a week!

So I finally have some down time! Why is it that the week following a long weekend is the longest week ever?? I traveled for the majority of the week in UPS New York. I ended up losing one of my contacts and well I really really can't see with one in and one missing. Of course my glasses don't have my latest prescription so yes you are hearing me correctly I bought an eye patch. No it wasn't black it was um flesh colored. I had no choice I was going to hit something, someone or hurt myself if I kept both eyes open. It was making me cross eyed! So basically I did an inservice for an audience of 10 docs and a few nurses with an eye patch on. Surprisingly they didn't seem to notice or care, perhaps they were scared. Overall it was a good call, maybe I will keep it! .

On the IVF front I got a call from the "Insurance Coordinator" at the hospital where I will be having my procedure. She might as well been speaking a foreign language ,but luckily I had done my homework and had an inkling of an idea of what she was talking about. Unbeknownst to me I guess there are actual "Fertility" Pharmacies?? I figured I would be able to get the majority of the meds from my local Osco. Um well apparently not, perhaps it is different in each state. I was told about three that exist and that I could contact them or they would be contacting me. So my question is where do I begin? Does anyone recommend a specific pharmacy? I have heard good things about Freedom Fertility but then again I guess it really does depend on your insurance coverage.

On a side note I put the call into the Psychiatrist for the eval and well she hasn't responded yet. I am trying not to get annoyed but I need to be deemed stable and sane before we can go any further and she hasn't returned my call! I guess I will give it to Monday. I just know she books out a few weeks and I really want to get going on things asap. If my calendar serves me correctly then I will be beginning my BCP's on Sunday. Unless of course a miracle happens.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. My husband and I are having a clambake at our house and anticipating about 50 guests. I am so excited to be surrounded by my family and friends, I never feel like I get to see them enough! Cheers!

Fertility Socks

I am so new to this whole blogging thing. Just when I think I know what I am doing I have to start all over.

I did however find a really neat website that send socks to women going through fertility treatments. http://www.fertilitysocks.org/. The socks aren't sent because fertility treatments are so expensive and then women can't afford socks but rather as a means of support and humor. Socks can really make or break someones day. I mean... most people don't put on the fun socks if they aren't happy or positive about something.

With all those endless appointments stuck in stir-ups it seems appropriate to wear something fun and colorful, besides that metal can be really cold. It appears the website takes donations but the shipping is all done out of pocket by the founder. Such a cool idea. Once I get mine I'll be sure to take a pic, just not in the stir-ups.

Hope everyone has a wonderful and safe 4th!

Different road, same destination

The journey has begun, or at least the decision has been made. We have taken the advice from our RE and have chosen to move forward with IVF!!

For the last 12 years of my life I have suffered from ovarian cysts, endometriosis, four surgeries and one ectopic pregnancy. In no way am I looking for a petri pity party. I feel lucky to have the option. I know there are many of "us" out there. I wanted to more or less address the stigma of IVF and share my story as we begin the process.

I have had plenty of time to prepare myself for the one phrase most women never want to hear, "you may have fertility issues". Maybe it will never be explained, maybe I am destined to be a poster child for IVF, maybe I am just not "naturally" lucky, but I am excited and I am ready for the challenge, the stress, and most of all the very real possibility of becoming a mother.

One thing we always knew we both wanted was to become parents. I mean we have had names picked out for years!

The next step is another meeting with the Reproductive Endocrinology group on 7/13 to address the map of meds, shots and many emotional freak outs! Then onto the psych eval. I mean if Octomom passed then I am sure we will be fine!!