All looks good under the hood

I am finally getting around to filling in the gap from last week. My 6 week ultrasound went well. My husband and I were super anxious about the possibility of hearing a heartbeat. Instead were able to see one! One little lima bean flashed up on the screen and was pumping away, it was just unbelievable. My husband was holding my hand the entire time. We squeezed each other simutaneously and the tears just welled up.

Everything is measuring in as should be and I will return for my 8 week follow up in a week and a half. I then believe I graduate from the IVF group. It will be a bittersweet departing. I will be under the care of an MFM group and am delighted that I already have several appointments on the books. I personally know several of the docs in this perinatal group so I feel like I already have an advantage in building a relationshop.

I have to keep reminding myself that I have to take each day as it comes and it is still very early so anything can happen. Each morning I get up and check out my belly in the mirror, nothing new to report. I still look the same. However this morning as I did my routine and looked down at my non-existent belly I threw up on my feet. I guess the morning sickness may be setting in.

Fall in Vermont

There is no better time in Vermont than the Fall. In fact it is my favorite season in all of New England. The crisp morning air, pumpkins, corn husks, hay bales and the smell of leaves. I just love it. The leaves are just starting to change color and all the decorations of summer are being replaced with fall design.

This past weekend we enjoyed a wedding in Stowe and a visit from my parents. We hit the British Invasion car show, which was really cool the first 10 minutes but there is only so many cars I can see before I want to steal one and get out of there. We walked around cute, quaint downtown Stowe, had lunch at the Green Mountain Inn and also dined at Topnotch's restaurant Norma's. For those that have never traveled to Stowe, Topnotch is by far one of the best spas I have ever been, hands down fab.

The wedding was held at Stowe Mountain and was also a blast. I must admit it was the first wedding I can remember where I didn't drink. Not to mention the first time in a few weeks where I have been around a lot of drunk people. Not that I am a total booze bag, but weddings and cocktails go hand and hand. I must say with a sober mind and body I was able to appreciate a lot more of the wedding decor, venue and music. All in all I had a great time, such a fun group of guests. My husband sure ripped up the dance floor like I have never seen him before. I have video to prove it. However we are coming up on our one year anniversary and I would like to stay married, so I won't be posting it.

Sunday was another fantastic day where we hit the Stowe Farmer's Market and Cold Hollow Cider Mill. One of the best things about Vermont is all the Farmer's Markets. Lots of VT towns have them and they are full of local handmade crafts, organic produce and often even live music. The Cider Mill is also a really neat place. The donuts are to die for. I just love dipping them in hot cider. In fact at our wedding we had hot cider from Cold Hollow to keep people warm before the ceremony. I have been a fan ever since. All in all a great fall weekend in VT and a great way to keep my mind busy while awaiting my first ultrasound.

I have to head to Western Mass tomorrow and luckily was able to switch my 6 week U/S from Friday to tomorrow! I am excited but also very nervous. It is still so early that it is hard to think more than a day at a time. The waiting is the worst part. Once I can officially see what is going on in there I hope to breathe a sigh of relief, that is until I have another Ultrasound. I still dont really have any symptoms other than my boobs are killing me and I tire easily. I have been having some cramps as well but I hope those are just growing pains :) All in all I feel pretty good. I have my post op appointment for my gallbladder surgery today and other than my stomach looking like a junkies road map I feel back to my old self. I hope I am not jinxing myself for what may come.

I love my new pillow :)

My new pillow is the bomb. Even though it took almost 3 weeks to get, I am madly in love. I obviously don't have a bump, but it provides support for my back right now which has been bothering me lately. As you get bigger in pregnancy it aids in cushioning your stomach as well. I have always heard that The Company Store had the best pillows and now I am a firm believer. Sooner or later there will be no room for my husband and we will have to upgrade to that California King I have been leaving hints about. Next up I am buying a body pillow. He calls my new pillows the Great Wall, I call them a good nights sleep. The best part of my new pillow lover is that I can take him with me, he folds up, has handles and doesn't snore.

I got my BFP!!

I have been meaning to post but have been putting it off until my second beta. My first beta came in at 442 at 10dp5dt and my second was 865 at 12dp5dt!! I am officially pregnant at 4 weeks 4 days. We are super excited and the anticipated birth date is nothing other than my birthday, May 19th!!

The first ultrasound at 6 weeks is next Friday. We can't wait to see what is going on in there and hopefully hear a heartbeat. No real symptoms yet. I seem to get really tired at the end of the day but I did have an organ removed two weeks ago, so who knows!

I feel relieved and less stressed, despite the roller coaster of a life the last two months, it has all been worth it. I just hope and pray that things progress on schedule and we have this very interesting story to tell our child someday :)

To Pee or Not to Pee That is the Question (On a stick that is)

I am now 8dp5dt. I finally caved and raided Walmart. I was just there last week and despite the fact that I think it is one of the scariest places on earth, I did see a huge display of Equate pregnancy tests. All 5,000 of them were screaming at me to pee on them. I managed to hold off until Sunday and I bought 12, yes 12. At 4 bucks a pop I figured why not! I have been POAS at a rate of 3 a day, like a junky I can't get enough. One in the morning, one in the afternoon, at one of many rest stops, and one before bed. I brought them outside in the daylight, under my office light and even asked my niece if she saw two lines. While the extra line started off very faint it has been getting darker and darker each day.

The Irish in me is extremely superstitious. I actually debated about even mentioning my results, as I didn't want to jinx anything. I needed to remind myself why I started the blog in the first place and that the support will be there regardless of the outcome. I am trying to remain optimistic but I know the statistics and percentages as well.

Friday is my BW and I plan to go first thing in the morning. Then I am going to stalk my IVF clinic until I get my HCG results, to be continued.....

PS. I am not going back to Walmart again any time soon:)

Anxiety is setting in- 3dp5dt

Today I am finally feeling better. While my stomach still looks like a battlefield I am much more mobile and in less pain. I guess I have hidden the emotional impact the last week has had on me. It dawned on me today that there is the very real possibility that I am pregnant. I want to run off to Walmart and clear the entire shelf of home pregnancy tests. I know it is way too early but the anxiety of every ache and cramp is overwhelming. I can't really place the pain. Is it the hole where my gallbladder use to be, or is it the nestling of my embryos getting comfy? I can feel the anxiety setting in and I just wish the 11th would hurry up and get here. There is no way I can wait that long before I pee on a stick but today is way to early right??

We found out that of the 6 remaining embryos, 3 failed to grow and the other 3 we can put on ice. I feel blessed to have some remaining but just really hope this is it.

I really appreciate all the kind words and encouragement. I am lucky to have such a wonderful support system of family, friends and fellow bloggers. It isn't an easy road, so it definitely helps to have others out there in the same boat.

As I have said before my husband has been amazing. I never knew he could do so much laundry and cleaning, all those years I thought it was a handicap. He even went so far as buying me underwear at Kohls. That is love. These aren't nice underwear either, these are the underwear you swear you wouldn't even be buried in.

I am also extremely bored so the time is going by so slowly. I have decided to tackle the wedding scrapbook thing today. I have put it off long enough. First I am buying a maternity body pillow from The Company Store. It is exactly what I need right now. Yes, I know I shouldn't jinx it, but my belly already hurts from the surgery and I will use it anyway. Friends have told me it is the best sleep ever. My hubby made a wall of pillows between us in the bed so he doesn't roll over onto me. He tosses and rolls like crazy. Then I am going to buy the Benriner Turning Slicer. This thing looks awesome and I have always loved veggie pasta so I figure I will try it out. Thanks Kristen! Being laid up isn't a good thing for an addicted online shopper, but I have a coupon so I can validate it.

Cheers to a wonderful Labor Day weekend!

Gallbladders are overated

When I first started blogging I made the comment that maybe I was destined to be a poster child for IVF. Well that belief has since changed. Now I believe I am the poster child for everything that could possibly go wrong in a IVF cycle. Well hopefully not :)

For those that may need a little background, I have had side effects from the beginning. Most have been bearable but the bloat and headaches have led me to the ER and many late night calls to the IVF office. Just when I thought I was over the hump and readying for my transfer I hit yet another roadblock.

My retrieval was a success with 12 eggs, 10 of which fertilized.We were anticipating a 5-day transfer today. Everything looked great and our embies were all A students. However over the weekend I began to feel tremendous pain in my abdomen. I was prepared for the bloat and cramping from retrieval, but I just knew something wasn't right.

On Saturday my hubby brought me yet again to the ER. After every possible test under the sun I was thought to have either liver inflammation, gallstones stuck somewhere or blood in my belly. Turns out one of those conditions wasn't enough and I ended up with all three. With all that being said I had my gallbladder and the golf ball sized stones removed Monday. All of this of course has to fall on the day before the transfer. I was beside myself thinking a cancellation was imminent.

I feel blessed that all the GI's, General Surgery Physicians and RE staff worked together to make it possible for our transfer to still occur. Honestly after 4 days in the hospital we counted 16 different docs involved in our case. The RE docs are beyond wonderful and everyone was so compassionate and sensitive to our situation. It was a first for everyone. Not every day does one perform an organ removal and then a embryo transfer the next day. I definitely think I may end up in a medical journal.

The environment and condition weren't ideal but after the options were reviewed we were ready to take the chance. We could of just frozen our already perfect embryos and risked the chance of a lower success with a cryo emby transfer. We could of started a whole new cycle from scratch. Luckily we were all able to come to an agreement. Frankly I don't think I could go through this again, at least not anytime soon.

I was discharged this afternoon and wheeled down to the cold room for the transfer. The embryologist was excited to brag to us about our embryos. We lost a few embryos in the growing process and had 8 remaining from the 10. We will find out tomorrow how many are remaining to be frozen.

We were even given a picture of our lovelies in transfer. Hopefuly all goes well considering that I will be recovering from gallbladder surgery at the same time. I like to think I am never given more than I can handle, so we are remaining optimistic. Only 10 days until my first blood test so lots of rosary rubbing going on.

My hubby was by my side the entire time and even slept next to me for 3 nights in the hospital. Here is a pic of him all dolled up in his transfer attire. He looked like a cross between a painter, an embalmer and a hot mess. They don't make those get-ups in Husky sizes. It was a surreal experience watching the transfer on the screen. We could actually see the release of the embryos.

Despite the fact that I was delirious I remembered to have my hubby bring my four leaf clover and my fertility socks! I refused to show my face in a picture today, not feeling so pretty.

Lastly here are our embies in utero! The line points directly to the embryos, one right next to the other. I just hope and pray they find a nice resting place and settle in for the long haul. Time for a pain pill and some rest. :)