You, Me and a Petri

Will and Finn's first birthday

2011-04-27T21:09:00.001-04:00

Just about this time last year I was sitting in a beautiful labor and delivery room staring out the window watching a blizzard. I was large and in charge, nervous and excited and also wondering why I moved to VT when it was snowing in April!! Our lives were about to change for the better. William Dillon Thomas arrived first at 12:58pm weighing in at 5lbs8oz, Finnegan Bennett Thomas entered the world 2 minutes later at 1:01 pm weighing in at 5lbs1oz, both boys were 20 inches long.

Today Finn weighs 23lbs9oz and is 31.5 inches long. Will is 20lbs12oz and 30.5 inches long. My what a change a year brings!. Both boys bring us continual joy and we can honestly say this year has been the best year yet. We are learning more and more as parents everyday and it may be the hardest job at times but definitely the most rewarding!

Will is taking a few steps and Finn is getting close. Will has a very sweet and smiley demeanor and loves attention, sonar screeching, books, fruit and climbing up on everything! Finn loves blondes (duh) playing peek-a-boo, giving kisses similar to head butts and loves to tackle his brother. It is hard to believe Finn was the tiny one a year ago and Will is now the lean machine.

I was a BADBADBAD blogger the last year. I could blame it on time or the twins or just plan laziness but I am determined to get back on the blogwagon going forward. I am going to start a new blog, one that focuses on the boys and life with twins. I hope we can continue to all follow each other. Without the support of each and everyone of you the journey would not of been complete.

Below is a link of Will and Finn's Birthday shoot. Enjoy! Once I get it together I will update with my new blog address. Cheers to more babies!!
Will and Finn's first birthday

A year ago today was the beginning

2010-09-01T23:17:00.000-04:00

The beginning

Ready to Pop!

Four months later!

I can't believe a year ago today I had my transfer. As I look at my two beautiful little dudes I can't help but reminisce about how much it took to have them. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat, and if my husband can be persuaded that would be very soon! Will and Finn are now 4 months. Every day is a reminder of how lucky we are and how in love I am with these two.

I'm BACK!!! Just a few months late

2010-08-11T11:37:00.000-04:00

Introducing William Dillon & Finnegan Bennett. The boys are just shy of 4 months now and doing wonderfully. After being born during an emergency c-section because I developed preeclampsia at 36 weeks, I decided to take a hiatus from blogging and spend all my time getting to know my two little dudes. We spent a month down in Cape Cod and have been traveling quite a bit with the boys. I am now back to work FT and while it has been difficult to leave the littles, it has also helped with my sanity and the regrowing of my lost brain cells :) They are just such amazing, beautiful little men and we couldn't be happier at this point in our lives.

William Dillon was born first on April 27th at 11:58am weighing in at 5lbs 8ozs, his brother followed three minutes later weighing in at 5lbs 1oz. Both little nuggets were 19 inches. We spent an extra week in the hospital due to severe jaundice and weight loss. We have a pretty good schedule going now with the boys and I am hopeful to find more time to continue updating. Their four month check up is next week and we are so anxious to see how much they weigh and their length. Not looking forward to the dreaded second round of shots though.

I could go on and on about all the awesomeness of the past three and half months. I wanted to thank all of you for checking and wondering how we all are. It has been a pleasure going back and seeing all you lovely ladies with your new bundles and bundles to be. What a journey it has been and I can't wait to do it all over again :)

Earth Day has come and gone.....

2010-04-23T18:00:00.002-04:00

So my much anticipated, much talked about, much believed day of delivery has come and gone. I am beyond happy I have surpassed 36 weeks. I just didn't see it happening, but damn do I have one iron uterus afterall. Based on Tuesday's appointment there is no change in dilation, still stuck at 2cm, but the contractions are still coming. I feel real crampy today and Finn's butt is so far under my rib I can feel him in my back.

One of my very crunchie VT nurses told me maybe I can have Arbor day babies instead. She is the same women who has tried to convince me to grind up the boys placentas and scatter them over my much neglected garden. Sorry maybe for some, but I have a weak stomach for guts and gore, not too mention using my mixer?? HUH?

Anyway, I am scheduled for a C-section May 6th. I am hopeful that nature will take its course before modern medicine, but nonetheless I have a date on the calendar. I had Thai last night, a very sweaty mani and pedi experience and also a great accupressure/massage. Here is to Full Term Twins!

False Alarm Numero Uno

2010-04-18T15:23:00.001-04:00

My 35th week began with a trip to the L&D. I was up all night last Wednesday with cramps and nausea and by Thursday afternoon I was counting contractions about ten minutes apart. Once my husband was home we decided it was best to head on in to see what was going on.

At first my contractions were coming on pretty fierce, but they subsided after some fluids. I am still dilated at 2cm but a tad more effaced at 90%. We had a rather interesting nurse who at one point told us to "wrap our heads around the fact that I would be delivering that night", while I swallowed my vomit she left us for 30 minutes only to return with a doc who found no cervical change. Of course she apologized up and down for freaking us out. I guess I was contracting so much that she figured things were progressing. I just wish contractions always meant dilation. Needless to say I was anxious to get home and into my own bed.

I am now on a strict bedrest. Strict bedrest rules are not exactly easy for me. I really want to clean the floorboards (again). Instead I am sinking further into the couch watching Swamp Loggers, Deadliest Catch and Lifetime. It's not the same doing this on a Sunday when you are pregnant and not hungover :)

Dilating, Contracting, Cankles Oh my!

2010-04-13T18:08:00.000-04:00

Today we began the series of biophysical exams and non-stress tests, both little dudes passed with flying colors. I am about 2cm dilated and 80% effaced at this point. I wish that my doc had a crystal ball that told me how much longer, but reality is that I could stay this way for another 2 weeks. I still have Earth Day as the day in my head though and well so far I have been pretty much on target with things. I am happy to hear that things are progressing though. I am just so uncomfortable that even the simplest tasks are getting difficult, like drying my hair:)

In the last week I was introduced to serious water retention. I have hamburger helper hands and a neck like a linebacker. I feel like a water buffalo with one big mass of boob melting into a belly. Contractions are getting a bit stronger but no pattern. This is my last week of work as I am now on a modified bedrest. This Thursday marks my 35th week. I have cankles galore and even my flip flops don't fit very well. I am having a hard time even typing since my knuckles are like a gorilla's.

I have succumbed to the fact that a C-section is 95% likely. I am trying to swallow my disappointment but I must admit I am totally bummed. Will is still head down but his bro is breech. With Finn being the bigger of the two little Will won't be able to "pave the way" for his brother and it is likely Finn will get stuck. Then I would ultimately end up with a c-section anyway. I just don't like the idea of not being able to hold them right away or have some control. Instead my hands will be strapped down. My mom and sister won't be able to be there either which puts tears in my eyes as I type. I saw my nephews born with my mother and I wanted them there so badly. My husband and I were hopeful that he would be able to place them on my chest and to cut the umblical cords as well. We are just happy that we are so lucky but towards the end you do spend a lot of time wishing you had a tad more rule. I know with twins this birth plan is more likley to happen in a field in Bulgaria then a Level III hospital but I did have my dream. As long as they are healthy and come out kicking I can deal with yet another scar and a longer recovery.

It's Taco Tuesday and my boys are hungry. Until next time. Ciao Sisters

Brooke

Operation Nursery- 94% complete

2010-04-01T17:37:00.004-04:00

I feel like a blowfish/oompa loompa. In fact I feel like I am going to explode at any moment! I just can't wait. We are so excited. We even packed the dudes hospital bag and picked out their going home outfits! Birth plan complete, even if there are three versions. We found our Mrs. Doubtfire for the boys and their bassinet is all ready for their two little bodies. Yes I am in full nesting mode.

I feel blessed that I have had a pretty good pregnancy other than just feeling like I do towards the end. My last OB appointment was Monday and my cervix is softening up like a fat kid. Not that it means much but my doc thinks I have about 2-3 weeks left. I am 33 weeks today. No change in dilation. Lots of contraction and intermittent cramping. Baby A, also known as William Dillon Thomas is head down and right above my pubic bone. I have that lovely heavy feeling and dropping sensation. I have to pee almost every ten minutes. Baby B, aka Finnegan Bennett Thomas is in an awkard "transverse oblique position". I think of them as ying and yang :) I still have room at the top of my uterus but I am growing more wide than upward. I waddle but hey no stretch marks! I love you Bio-oil.

My parents came up last weekend to help decorate the nursery. I am so happy with the way it came out. I have quite the handy husband. He ripped up the old carpet, put in wood floors, added wainscotting and fresh paint. I am just so relieved that the big parts are complete. Even if the two littles will be in our room in the beginning, it feels good to get stuff put away and organized. It is the one thing I feel like I have control over. The rest will hopefully fall into place and by that I mean both head first. We just need to put up the window treatments, more wall decor and then await the arrival of the dudes.

I caved and bought a Prenatal Cradle. It looks medieval but it really works!! My back is really bothering me and last week I tumbled head first into my closet. I grabbed at my clothes to help break my fall and ended up swaying back and forth until I could get my balance. I didn't realize how top heavy I really am. It was priceless, definitely Oscar worthy.

30 Weeks and fully showered with love

2010-03-14T21:10:00.005-04:00

I didn't totally fall of the face of the earth more like I have fallen on my butt and I can't find the energy to get up. I feel like I am literally running on empty. I am so happy to hit the 30 week mark and my motherly instinct has me thinking not much longer now.

My sister-in-law threw me a Vermont shower two weeks ago and I had my Mass home shower last weekend, which was hosted by my mom and sister. I had so much fun at both and was beyond floored by the generosity of gifts. It was so great to see all my friends and relatives, many of whom I haven’t seen since my wedding in October of 2008! As usual my family out did themselves and I feel so blessed and lucky.

My house is packed full of presents and there is more plastic in my downstairs then in Hollywood. I can't wait for the final touches on the nursery so I can find a home for all the stuff.

Here are some pics!

My hometown lady loves

College Sorority Sisters

We got the macdaddy stroller! I totally cried

The amazing diaper cake made by my crafty sister. I had no idea that it was all diapers!

My Vermont Shower

The awesome elephant cookies made by my SIL.

We had our 30 week growth scan and I am trying to remain optimistic that Baby A will make up the discordance asap. Baby B is currently 3lbs 3oz and Baby A is 2lbs 14oz. I am now going in every week and will start the non-stress testing and biophysical testing next week. More to come.......

Nothing like the good ole stomach flu

2010-02-23T11:56:00.002-05:00

I totally jinxed myself about having a story book last couple of weeks. As soon as my sister, niece, nephews and friends left last weekend, I began a nasty bout of the stomach flu. By Sunday morning I still couldn't keep anything down. We decided in the early afternoon it was better to be safe than sorry and headed to the Labor and Delivery. Turns out I was severely dehydrated, contracting quite a bit and a tad dilated at .5 cm. I had yet another fFN, thankfully negative, was pumped full of fluids and monitored for several hours. It is a really scary experience when you feel that awful and have no idea how it is affecting your babies. Luckily they are just fine, but my body has taken quite the hit.

I had my normal follow up appointment yesterday and am measuring in at 31 weeks. So about 3 weeks ahead of a singleton. I feel huge so that makes sense. In two weeks I have our next growth scan and am very anxious to see how much bigger the boys are getting. Of course they have decided to move yet again and are now both in an "awkward transverse breech position" as so qouted by the ultrasonographer. Hopefully they will do yet another 360 before their arrival, but they are pretty cramped in there and running out of room. My stomach gets all contorted and alienesque when they move. It is quite the sight. Crazy to think that they could be here as early as the next 7 weeks!

26 Weeks

2010-02-11T23:06:00.002-05:00

Today I am 26 weeks. 6.5 months, WOW!! It really is going by fast. According to Baby Center my two dudes are the size of English hothouse cucumbers. Um yeah, I had no idea what those were either, but just picture a cucumber about 14 inches long. I don't really like referring to my children as fruits or vegetables but I am glad that they are progressing onto bigger produce comparability.

I had another growth scan on Monday. The Princes are 2 lbs each and very active. Both babes are no longer transverse. Baby B is now head down and closest to my cervix, while Baby A is breech.

The Braxton Hicks contractions have been pretty intense at night so I was given an fFN test. Again the test was negative and my cervix is still long and closed. Definitely different being on the other side of what I sell for a living. The reassurance is so uplifting!

Looking forward to a nice long weekend. Nesting is in full effect!!!

Soon To Be my Third Arm

2010-02-05T11:49:00.002-05:00

No! that is not me with two strangers children, but yes I did just buy this. After being convinced by three friends with twins and several positive reviews I went ahead and bought the "EZ-2-Nurse Twins Pillow". It is like an oversized boppy, but more square with a back support and two spots for the babes.

At first I was scared, actually I was petrified. The idea of tandem breast feeding makes my boobs hurt already. I have no expectactions other than I really want to try to breast feed both of my boys. It is important to me, but I am also realistic that it may be beyond difficult at times. I hope to follow the advice of fellow bloggers and friends that have gotten their twins on the same eating schedule, yes it is possible they say.

Perhaps if I can master the art, I can be hands free, do an infomercial and feed my two dudes all at once, just like this lady below. Hey if it makes one of the hardest things, but one of the most important things easier, I am all for it!!

Our two dudes in 3D

2010-02-02T17:59:00.008-05:00

I can't believe it has been almost three weeks since my last post. I have surpassed the 24 week milestone for viability. I feel a sense of relief. There is something to be said when your physician tells you your children’s chance of survival increases exponentially from here on out.

Looks like if I make it to 38 weeks I will be induced. I am hopeful of a natural birth but have a second and third birth plan in place, just in case our two princes decide that head down is not their idea of a way out. Scary to some, but I am not one for scheduled caesareans unless for good reason.

I have the monthly growth scan next Monday and am really anxious to see how big they are getting. I feel pretty good; my energy comes in crazy bursts. For instance after dinner on Sunday I decided to mop the floors until 12:30am. Then on Monday I cried all day. The heartburn still keeps me up at night but I have resorted to Pepcid AC. I am also not as ravenous as I have been in the past, in fact a few times I have had to remind myself to eat something. I say that and then tomorrow I will be a bottomless pit.

The nursery is coming along awesome, carpet removed and bead board up, now onto painting and wood flooring. I am heading to my hometown for the weekend with the hope that my amazing husband finishes quite a bit before my return.

On a side note I wish someone would put together a Twins for Dummies manual. It amazes me how little people know about a twin pregnancy. There is a whole different set of rules, please don't pretend you even know what you are talking about. Sorry, my first vent in all my blogging, but maybe I will draft up a brochure to have on hand when the questions/comments are being vomited all over me. I have no time to explain people. Oh and I am tired.

We were able to see our two dudes on 3D ultrasound and while emotional and beautiful it was also kind of sci-fi. Nothing like seeing your unborn children's faces. The U/S tech had some extra time to kill and just started to play around with the 3D/4D scanner. I guess 26-28 weeks is a better time to view them since they are likely to be a bit chubbier. I swear they have my husband’s nice full lips and well my family’s nice big head.

Here are some pics of our snuggly bugs. The eye socket thing creeps me out but I did see their eyes in the 4D video. The still portion of 3D adds to the alien effect, just a heads up for those anxious to get some pictures.

I love the one of Baby B curled up, knee to chin. Baby A was camera shy that day :)

I already love these little guys so much!

Bedding, bumbos, boppys, bottles, bibs OH MY!

2010-01-17T08:25:00.007-05:00

I have officially crossed over to baby buying bonkerdome. I can't stop. It is physically impossible for me not to check www.greenbabybargains.com/ or www.babysteals.com/ everyday. It used to be that I anxiously waited each morning for the Gilt Groupe or Hautelook sales to begin; now I can't live with the thought of my children without the adorably fantastic 100% organic alpaca onesie. I need help. There is a magnetic force and it has become my latest crack.

So my beautiful baby boys bedding has arrived. Now say that five times fast! I just love love love love it. I waited for some after Christmas sales at Layla Grace and it felt like X-mas morning all over again when it arrived on my front porch. I did a mock set up and made sure everything looked perfect. I can't wait for the nursery to be finished! The colors are a great nautical mix of blue and yellow in a seersucker print with mosaic sheets. Kind of hippy meets preppy WASP is the best way I can describe it.

Next I need to find a chaise lounge or glider but I am yet to find one I like, then I am done. On the good side I know better than to go too crazy (if that is possible) before my shower. I just have to have some of these outfits and sleepers and shoes and hats. Sometimes they actually make me cry and I find myself smelling the clothes oblivious to the sales person gaze.

When I was first married, Andy begged me to be practical...thank God I lived by my credo: 'Veni, Vidi, Visa - I came, I saw, I charged it. Hope everyone had a great weekend :)

21 weeks and growing and growing and growing....

2010-01-06T20:25:00.004-05:00

I was talking with my friend Nikki last night and she asked me how big I was getting. It dawned on me that I literally woke up one morning and needed help getting out of bed. Being vertically challenged my legs dangle off the bed when trying to ground them, so either I need the help of my husband or I slither off my bed on my back using my hands as a lowering device. The mattress is higher than I thought.

Oh and I have horrific heart burn already. I never knew how bad that can actually feel. I also have finally succumbed to throwing away all the old, yes um old and used pregnancy tests. I was neurotic, I am still neurotic. Honestly there was something about seeing those lines get darker and darker each day. I put the dates and times on them and I had no intention of every throwing them away. My husband told me it was best and that saving the biohazard bin with all the needles was worse. Sorry I am not ready to throw those away just yet.

Welcome to my world.

Cheers to 2010!

2010-01-04T17:56:00.004-05:00

What a year it has been. I still can't believe that it has been 12 months since we began our journey. It seems like yesterday, but we are hopeful that the painful, heartbreaking and trying period is behind us. I thank all you wonderful women who have supported and shared with me over the last several months. I know many of you are still struggling or have experienced yet another loss. How you remain positive and strong is often beyond me.

I feel blessed to be in my position and my heart and hopes go out to everyone who is still in the shoes I once possessed. I will always cherish the friendships and words of wisdom from everyone who has touched my life through this process. So without crying more than I already do lately, Cheers to a healthy, successful, baby filled 2010!

There is 2 feet of snow up here in VT, so I spent the majority of the weekend nesting and cleaning like crazy. I still tire very easily and get some interesting nudges and growing pains, but for the most part still feel pretty good for 5 months with twins.

NYE was tame and spent with my brother and sister in-law. We enjoyed a nice dinner and were home by 11:50pm. I was out cold by 12:10am! I guess I should enjoy my sleep while I can:)

**Here our 11 year old husky gets comfortable in our front yard. She is totally in her element. At least I get out of shoveling!

Home for the holidays :)

2009-12-26T13:33:00.005-05:00

I can't believe Christmas has come and gone. I also can't believe that next Christmas we will have two elves of our own to celebrate with. My hubby and I ventured to UPS New York to visit his family and then headed to Massachusetts to spend Christmas with mine. Even though 5 hours in the car is not that much fun I am glad we were able to do both, next year will be a different story.

Santa was good to us as usual. Lots of baby things and gift certificates. I got some adorable outfits from my sister and I cried when I opened them. I am trying to push myself to finish off registering. People have told me it is a lot of fun and while I would have to agree, I am amazed by the amount of time I have spent reviewing products and reaching out to friends with children for advice. It took me longer to pick out car seats then it did a new car. I guess the nesting feeling has already set in! I now have a subscription to Consumer Reports and love the website http://www.babybargains.com/, they give great reviews on products from parents.

Our level 2 scan was very reassuring and I feel so relieved to be able to spend the holidays with a clearer head. I will be monitored more closely now with another U/S in 3 weeks and then continued ones every 2 weeks until their birth. I can't believe I am over half way there (by twin standards) My docs are hesitant to give me a revised due date but if our two dudes can hold out until 37 weeks I will be one happy momma. That gets me to mid April.

The weight has picked up so that is a good thing. As hard as I was trying to consume healthy calories I wasn't gaining weight. I went three weeks without gaining a pound. I am happy to say that I have since made up for lost time. The holidays definitely helped. My docs were about to put me on a high fat diet with shakes, um no thanks! The last thing I want is to be put on bed rest popping bon bons. So thank you holiday cookie people and friends with no calorie conscious for making me rounder.

I finally got around to posting a picture of my belly. I am now 19 weeks. I think I have gotten bigger just from last week when this was taken!

Is it Friday yet??

2009-12-16T21:39:00.001-05:00

Friday morning I am having the Level 2 u/s, one day after my 18th week. I have been having an extreme amount of anxiety since some abnormal AFP results. Despite the fact that I was reassured with a quick U/S to see heartbeats and moving up my Level 2, I just need to hear and see that everything looks great from head to toe. If we decide to go for a third child we will definitely be opting out of some prenatal tests. With less validity in twins for some of the screens, it seems the unnecessary worry before a more thorough U/S is not worth it to me.

I have been beside myself and I am happy to say that having my very own Buddy the Elf has cheered me up. If only Wednesday was the day before Friday.

So anyway my husband and I are heading to a holiday party on Friday night. I decided last week that I was going to dress him up as an Elf. Why you ask??, well for one we have a pretty funny group of friends and I want to one up everyone this year with an Elf onesie worn by my husband, 2) since I can't indulge in the normal spiked eggnog atmosphere, I figured having something else that can make me laugh is only appropriate.

I can't even begin to tell you how hard I am cracking up right now! He looks so miserable but it fits perfect, I just want to squeeze him. Figured I would share for all those that wish it was already Friday, here is your Happy Hump Day pick me up.

Our two dudes have made their debut!

2009-12-09T21:47:00.001-05:00

We found out last week that we are having two little PRINCES!!!. I am so overwhelmed with joy and excitement. I felt like I had some motherly instinct that they were boys so I couldn't be happier. My husband had tears in his eyes during the U/S and it was a very special moment for us. We were trying to hold out on telling people until the holidays but I have never been one to hide my excitement so we caved to family and friends.

I finally got around to washing all the boy clothes my sister gave me from my two nephews! My living room was packed with clothes. I have so much stuff already.

One more crib to put together and we can focus on the nursery. I am now 17 weeks! I can't believe I am already past 4 months. Still seems like yesterday that I was getting my gallbladder removed and having my transfer. Now if only we can fast forward the next 5 months.

Fat and Happy :) 15 Weeks

2009-11-27T15:55:00.005-05:00

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I began my 15th week on Thursday and what a better way to celebrate then to eat for three! My family knows me all to well and my cousin bought me a mocktini book for making virgin drinks! She even got me alcohol free champagne. Honestly this book is great. Not only does it help you pretend to fit in while everyone else gets drunk, but it has recipes for great juice concoctions for nausea and stomach upset. I love it, thanks Hallie!

My husband and I were supposed to bear the wrath of Black Friday but my raging hormones and severe lack of patience has me scanning the internet for deals instead. Let me tell you there are deals to be had! The cribs and changers I have had my eye on at Overstock.com are almost 40% off with all the coupons. The cribs are convertible so they can be transformed into toddler and twin beds as the babes get older. Drop cribs have always reminded me of a guillotine. I saw the same Davinci crib at a retail store in Burlington VT for $500! We paid less than that for two. Can't wait to lie on the couch and watch my husband put them all together :)

Making a list and checking it one thousand zillion times.......

2009-11-23T22:53:00.006-05:00

I have had a hard time keeping up with the blogging lately. Most of the nauz has dissipated but the tiredness is still pretty bad. I am a few days shy of my 15th week and getting more and more Santa Claus like every day.

I have spent way too much time researching strollers and car seats. We have decided that the Bumbleride Indie Twin is the way to go. A friend just had twins and I was so excited when I saw a pic of him pushing his twins in the same stroller I have been salivating over. He swears by this mack daddy. I don't think I need to read another review, we are sold.

I have also compiled a list of my favorite websites for baby gear, cribs, clothes, bedding, deals and steals.

www.albeebaby.com

Great deals on all sorts of baby stuff

www.babybedding.com
You can essentially design a virtual nursery. Also have crib skirts, bedding, bumpers and tons of great fabrics and colors.

www.theultimategreenstore.com
for the eco-conscious shopper

http://www.babysteals.com/
I have to thank my mommy friend Kelly for turning me onto this site. Every day they have a deal on great baby products. Think Aden and Anais baby blankets for half price. Have to get on it early as items sell out super fast.

These are just a few of my favorite sites. I am yet to really buy anything though. I am just making lots of lists. We have picked out the wood flooring for the nursery. I have a promise from my Hubby that construction will begin right after the New Year.

Next week we have another US and MFM appt. I can't wait to get another clean bill of health for the babes. Hope everyone has a wonderful and safe Turkey Day. I can't wait to see all 20+ of my rellies. Tday is always full of laughs and often tears:)

TWINS!!!

2009-11-11T20:13:00.011-05:00

I have been holding out until the NT scan to share the exciting news that we are expecting TWINS! We could not be happier or more excited. Both babes are growing wonderfully and are exactly the same size. The scan shows a very low risk for chromosomal abnormalities. Things are progressing just as they should be. Hopefully we will know the sexes at our next U/S as well.

I am still suffering from extreme nausea and finally cried uncle to my docs, nothing else was working. I am now taking Zofran in order to make it through the morning, afternoon and night. Hopefully it will pass soon. With double the hormones comes double the trouble of being sick. My body is changing daily and even though my waist is gone and I resemble Sponge Bob Squarepants, I am so happy that our babes are doing well!

Here is our latest scan. Looks like sibling rivarly has already begun, one munchkin is kicking the other :)

My H1N1 shot

2009-11-04T13:20:00.004-05:00

Like most pregnant women I was extremely hesitant to get the H1N1 shot. I don't care how much literature and studies are out there about the effectiveness of the vaccine. Bottom line there are no completed studies on the perinatal outcomes of H1N1 vaccinated women. However studies do show that pregnant women who get vaccinated for the normal flu strain have less likelihood of getting the flu and ultimately so will their unborn child. It makes sense to go with the majority on statistics. So while I had my reservations I did extensive research and asked lots of questions. Ultimately I feel confident in my decision.

Like the flu shot, I wanted to make sure I was getting a thimerosal, preservative and mercury free dose of the H1N1. While the levels of such substances are low you never can be safe enough. I called my OB ahead of time to make sure they had some of the single dose preservative free vaccines. I was told I would just have to ask for it once I arrived. If only it was that easy. Apparently, well at least in VT, there is a shortage of the preservative free doses. While I was told on the phone there was plenty in stock it sure didn't appear that way when I asked. The nurse, whom I don't routinely see, told me they were holding those doses for women at a high risk or those who were allergic to the other doses. Hello!! Read my chart! I am high risk and um yeah, how do I know my unborn child isn't allergic? Aren't pregnant women and children deemed those most at risk for H1N1 to begin with thus identifying them as high risk? yeah nice try. Despite her efforts in telling me someone misinformed me, I stuck to my guns and very nicely said "either you give me the preservative free version or I will find someone who will." I also told her to go find my doctor for clearance, 5 minutes later I was given what I wanted with a sore arm to boot.

I wanted to tell this story because I get the impression, that while they may be low on these doses, they aren't expecting pregnant women to ask for them and frankly they don't want you too. Money, mass production and productivity all come into play instead. Be sure to educate yourself and be adamant about what you want. If I have learned one thing so far from being pregnant it is to listen to instincts, your body and remember you are the voice for your unborn child.

It all worked out in the end but it left me wondering how many other women who have no idea of this potentially safer version of the H1N1 vaccine are out there. Push for it or go somewhere else. Anyone have a similar story? for or against the vaccine? I don't need horror stories but am interested in others experience or opinion.

http://www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu/vaccination/pregnant_qa.htm

Countdown to 2nd Trimester is on!

2009-10-21T17:05:00.008-04:00

I feel like my last few posts have been riddled with complaints, so it is only normal to start this post off doing just that. I feel like crap. I am a walking zombie. I eat way to much bread. I can't seem to get enough sleep. BUT! I am almost into the second trimester and I couldn't be happier about that. So I am sucking it up and pushing on with my pops, ginger ale and loaf of bread.

We met with our HR OB group on Monday and were very pleased. My doc and group are pretty direct, don't sugar coat and will tell you how it really is. The head doc answered all 35+ questions I had, none of which she made me feel were outlandish. We covered everything from birth options to H1N1 and everything in between. I am really looking forward to being under their care. I was even given a mask in the event I sit next to a germ thrower on the plane. Now if only they could tell me which organic bedding is the best and what I am having so I can get on decorating!

We had another ultrasound and everything looks wonderful. Every time we have to wait for the next U/S seems like an eternity. I am so relieved to see that things are progressing as should be. I have to travel for work next week so I won't have the NT scan until November 10th. Hopefully by then the nauz and tiredness will be replaced with a feeling of rebirth, ha. Maybe I will even grow back the few million brain cells I have lost.

My husband and I celebrated our one year anniversary last Sunday as well. We went back to our ceremony and reception site, took pics and reminisced. It still seems like yesterday and so much has happened in a year. We are truly blessed. After dinner we ate what was remaining of our cake and talked for the thousandth time about baby names. I am so excited!

October 18, 2008

October 18, 2009

I did a very very bad thing!!!

2009-10-15T10:17:00.005-04:00

I just couldn't hold off any longer. The baby made me do it. I ate the cake. Not all the cake but a lot of the cake. I was supposed to wait until this weekend to ring in my one year anniversary but I caved. It was just screaming, "EAT ME". So I did. Now I know some of you are going to tell me I am going to get divorced or lose a finger or have bad luck for 12 years but I don't care! It was delicious and wonderful and I felt so much better after I ate it.

I was hesitant after freezing it for a year but once it thawed out it tasted as delicious as our wedding day. See my husband actually picked the cake, designed the cake, described what he wanted in it and it was his masterpiece. I never have been a huge sweets person. I have had a change of taste and I would of ate the whole top, a big top mind you.That whole top in the picture for crying out loud. However this little subconscious voice told me my husband is going to kill me if I don't put down the fork. So the once beautiful wedding cake top is now a mutilated mess in my fridge. A still edible mutilated mess though.

I could not of cared less about the cake back then but I sure am glad my husband's taste buds were dead on. I mean what could be better than a Vanilla Chiffon cake layered with maple cream and apples and pears when you are preggers. Delish!! I want more right now. One piece of advice to a future bride, go organic on the cake, it pays to have it taste the same as it did a year ago even if I do end up in marriage counseling.

Graduating with Honors and Nausea

2009-10-14T10:52:00.009-04:00

I have had all intentions of posting over the last 8 days but my morning sickness has progressed to all day sickness and believe it or not typing of all things gives me the spins. I usually update first thing in the morning, like at 6am since sleep is not something I know very well these days. However it looks like before bed is what may work for now.

I totally jinxed myself. I felt blessed to have little nausea and vomiting at 8 weeks and then poof a big dark cloud of throw up landed on me and I have been sick sick sick ever since. I swear I have vertigo, even driving makes me queasy and I am dumb. I mean really dumb. Word retrieval problems, remembering issues. I can hardly speak English. I have decided that I may just bring it back to kindergarten and just point when trying to reference something.

Work has been tough as well. I travel a lot and I have been spending equal time in rest areas as I have in doc offices doing calls. There is an advantage here though. I work in OB sales and nurses and docs have a hidden radar, they just know when you are pregnant. I mean a doc even gave me his chair in his office, maybe because I was semi-kermit like but I will take it!. Anyway it has been rough and I have been trying really hard not to complain but I just hope and pray it is over soon. I feel like a zombie and Halloween is still three weeks away. I think.

So on a brighter note, I graduated from the IVF group. I had my last U/S with them last Wednesday. It was a bittersweet goodbye and I cried when thanking my two wonderful RE's. I just can't say enough about the care and expertise they showed. They are miracle workers and I love them. I don't ever want to see them again, but I love them nonetheless.

All looks great in the womb and heartbeat is around 150-155. Soon I will scan in the images. My husband and I meet with our HR OB group next Monday and I am super excited. I personally know two of the docs in the group through work and feel lucky to be under the care of one of the Associate Professors of OB at the University. We will actually be meeting with all 4 docs that evening and will be discussing my care going forward. I am hopeful another U/S is planned but it may be put off a week or two before some of the 1st trimester screens are done.

Last weekend we planned to head to Bar Harbor, ME but the 6 hours in the car definitely turned me off once I started feeling so sick. Instead we spent the weekend in Quechee and Woodstock, VT . We had a blast. I was able to hit up my favorite bath and soap store, Thistle and have breakfast at the to die for diner Lou's in Hanover, NH. Definitely worth the wait. We also started some Christmas shopping and hit up the local antique fairs. All in all a great weekend. This coming weekend is our 1st anniversary. I already took the cake top out of the freezer and put it in the fridge with the hopes of it defrosting by Sunday. I also put my keys in the fridge yesterday as well. I already want a piece so bad; of the cake not the metal.

Me and my first baby, Kalib, hiking in Woodstock, VT

If I only had a brain......

2009-10-02T20:17:00.006-04:00

So I am officially losing my mind. While I have been told baby brain is a common symptom of pregnancy I wasn't really prepared for the all out forgetfulness and the full on inability to complete a normal sentence. It all started off pretty harmless, calling people the wrong names, forgetting what I was about to do, calling people the wrong names.

However I brought it to a whole new level on Monday. I was driving to Bedford, NH from Western Mass for a conference. I noticed I was pretty low on gas and I really needed to stop for a fill up. I pulled into a rest area and chose a gas lane that just so happened to have a broken credit card reader. The weird woman of OZ shouted over the speaker to come in and pay first. After I paid and got back in my car, I decided to drive away. I forgot to pump the gas!! Now I am back on the Mass Turnpike about to run out of fuel and I can't exactly pull a u-turn. I had to drive 12 miles to the next exit and turn completely around. A half hour later I was back where I started. Needless to say I had an even harder time explaining to the now new gas clerk what the heck I had just done. I wasn't sure if I should laugh, cry or scream. I did all three.

Since then I have limited my conversations and social interactions. It is only safe. I am just kidding, but really these new symptoms have come out of nowhere. I am definitely feeling the nausea throughout the entire day, but I can't complain. It isn't like I invented that symptom. My husband thinks I am getting a little belly as well. I have to agree. I am pretty petite to begin with at 5'4 so I am not surprised that things are already growing outward a bit.

Next week we have the 8 week ultrasound and a potential graduation from the RE. We are also meeting with one of the Midwives from the OB/GYN office. I have so many questions and concerns that I typed out two pages to remember what to ask. As soon as I can remind myself to update the blog I will be back:)

All looks good under the hood

2009-09-27T09:12:00.004-04:00

I am finally getting around to filling in the gap from last week. My 6 week ultrasound went well. My husband and I were super anxious about the possibility of hearing a heartbeat. Instead were able to see one! One little lima bean flashed up on the screen and was pumping away, it was just unbelievable. My husband was holding my hand the entire time. We squeezed each other simutaneously and the tears just welled up.

Everything is measuring in as should be and I will return for my 8 week follow up in a week and a half. I then believe I graduate from the IVF group. It will be a bittersweet departing. I will be under the care of an MFM group and am delighted that I already have several appointments on the books. I personally know several of the docs in this perinatal group so I feel like I already have an advantage in building a relationshop.

I have to keep reminding myself that I have to take each day as it comes and it is still very early so anything can happen. Each morning I get up and check out my belly in the mirror, nothing new to report. I still look the same. However this morning as I did my routine and looked down at my non-existent belly I threw up on my feet. I guess the morning sickness may be setting in.

Fall in Vermont

2009-09-22T09:12:00.006-04:00

There is no better time in Vermont than the Fall. In fact it is my favorite season in all of New England. The crisp morning air, pumpkins, corn husks, hay bales and the smell of leaves. I just love it. The leaves are just starting to change color and all the decorations of summer are being replaced with fall design.

This past weekend we enjoyed a wedding in Stowe and a visit from my parents. We hit the British Invasion car show, which was really cool the first 10 minutes but there is only so many cars I can see before I want to steal one and get out of there. We walked around cute, quaint downtown Stowe, had lunch at the Green Mountain Inn and also dined at Topnotch's restaurant Norma's. For those that have never traveled to Stowe, Topnotch is by far one of the best spas I have ever been, hands down fab.

The wedding was held at Stowe Mountain and was also a blast. I must admit it was the first wedding I can remember where I didn't drink. Not to mention the first time in a few weeks where I have been around a lot of drunk people. Not that I am a total booze bag, but weddings and cocktails go hand and hand. I must say with a sober mind and body I was able to appreciate a lot more of the wedding decor, venue and music. All in all I had a great time, such a fun group of guests. My husband sure ripped up the dance floor like I have never seen him before. I have video to prove it. However we are coming up on our one year anniversary and I would like to stay married, so I won't be posting it.

Sunday was another fantastic day where we hit the Stowe Farmer's Market and Cold Hollow Cider Mill. One of the best things about Vermont is all the Farmer's Markets. Lots of VT towns have them and they are full of local handmade crafts, organic produce and often even live music. The Cider Mill is also a really neat place. The donuts are to die for. I just love dipping them in hot cider. In fact at our wedding we had hot cider from Cold Hollow to keep people warm before the ceremony. I have been a fan ever since. All in all a great fall weekend in VT and a great way to keep my mind busy while awaiting my first ultrasound.

I have to head to Western Mass tomorrow and luckily was able to switch my 6 week U/S from Friday to tomorrow! I am excited but also very nervous. It is still so early that it is hard to think more than a day at a time. The waiting is the worst part. Once I can officially see what is going on in there I hope to breathe a sigh of relief, that is until I have another Ultrasound. I still dont really have any symptoms other than my boobs are killing me and I tire easily. I have been having some cramps as well but I hope those are just growing pains :) All in all I feel pretty good. I have my post op appointment for my gallbladder surgery today and other than my stomach looking like a junkies road map I feel back to my old self. I hope I am not jinxing myself for what may come.

I love my new pillow :)

2009-09-17T20:54:00.008-04:00

My new pillow is the bomb. Even though it took almost 3 weeks to get, I am madly in love. I obviously don't have a bump, but it provides support for my back right now which has been bothering me lately. As you get bigger in pregnancy it aids in cushioning your stomach as well. I have always heard that The Company Store had the best pillows and now I am a firm believer. Sooner or later there will be no room for my husband and we will have to upgrade to that California King I have been leaving hints about. Next up I am buying a body pillow. He calls my new pillows the Great Wall, I call them a good nights sleep. The best part of my new pillow lover is that I can take him with me, he folds up, has handles and doesn't snore.

I got my BFP!!

2009-09-15T09:32:00.007-04:00

I have been meaning to post but have been putting it off until my second beta. My first beta came in at 442 at 10dp5dt and my second was 865 at 12dp5dt!! I am officially pregnant at 4 weeks 4 days. We are super excited and the anticipated birth date is nothing other than my birthday, May 19th!!

The first ultrasound at 6 weeks is next Friday. We can't wait to see what is going on in there and hopefully hear a heartbeat. No real symptoms yet. I seem to get really tired at the end of the day but I did have an organ removed two weeks ago, so who knows!

I feel relieved and less stressed, despite the roller coaster of a life the last two months, it has all been worth it. I just hope and pray that things progress on schedule and we have this very interesting story to tell our child someday :)

To Pee or Not to Pee That is the Question (On a stick that is)

2009-09-09T20:48:00.003-04:00

I am now 8dp5dt. I finally caved and raided Walmart. I was just there last week and despite the fact that I think it is one of the scariest places on earth, I did see a huge display of Equate pregnancy tests. All 5,000 of them were screaming at me to pee on them. I managed to hold off until Sunday and I bought 12, yes 12. At 4 bucks a pop I figured why not! I have been POAS at a rate of 3 a day, like a junky I can't get enough. One in the morning, one in the afternoon, at one of many rest stops, and one before bed. I brought them outside in the daylight, under my office light and even asked my niece if she saw two lines. While the extra line started off very faint it has been getting darker and darker each day.

The Irish in me is extremely superstitious. I actually debated about even mentioning my results, as I didn't want to jinx anything. I needed to remind myself why I started the blog in the first place and that the support will be there regardless of the outcome. I am trying to remain optimistic but I know the statistics and percentages as well.

Friday is my BW and I plan to go first thing in the morning. Then I am going to stalk my IVF clinic until I get my HCG results, to be continued.....

PS. I am not going back to Walmart again any time soon:)

Anxiety is setting in- 3dp5dt

2009-09-04T11:17:00.006-04:00

Today I am finally feeling better. While my stomach still looks like a battlefield I am much more mobile and in less pain. I guess I have hidden the emotional impact the last week has had on me. It dawned on me today that there is the very real possibility that I am pregnant. I want to run off to Walmart and clear the entire shelf of home pregnancy tests. I know it is way too early but the anxiety of every ache and cramp is overwhelming. I can't really place the pain. Is it the hole where my gallbladder use to be, or is it the nestling of my embryos getting comfy? I can feel the anxiety setting in and I just wish the 11th would hurry up and get here. There is no way I can wait that long before I pee on a stick but today is way to early right??

We found out that of the 6 remaining embryos, 3 failed to grow and the other 3 we can put on ice. I feel blessed to have some remaining but just really hope this is it.

I really appreciate all the kind words and encouragement. I am lucky to have such a wonderful support system of family, friends and fellow bloggers. It isn't an easy road, so it definitely helps to have others out there in the same boat.

As I have said before my husband has been amazing. I never knew he could do so much laundry and cleaning, all those years I thought it was a handicap. He even went so far as buying me underwear at Kohls. That is love. These aren't nice underwear either, these are the underwear you swear you wouldn't even be buried in.

I am also extremely bored so the time is going by so slowly. I have decided to tackle the wedding scrapbook thing today. I have put it off long enough. First I am buying a maternity body pillow from The Company Store. It is exactly what I need right now. Yes, I know I shouldn't jinx it, but my belly already hurts from the surgery and I will use it anyway. Friends have told me it is the best sleep ever. My hubby made a wall of pillows between us in the bed so he doesn't roll over onto me. He tosses and rolls like crazy. Then I am going to buy the Benriner Turning Slicer. This thing looks awesome and I have always loved veggie pasta so I figure I will try it out. Thanks Kristen! Being laid up isn't a good thing for an addicted online shopper, but I have a coupon so I can validate it.

Cheers to a wonderful Labor Day weekend!

Gallbladders are overated

2009-09-01T19:28:00.017-04:00

When I first started blogging I made the comment that maybe I was destined to be a poster child for IVF. Well that belief has since changed. Now I believe I am the poster child for everything that could possibly go wrong in a IVF cycle. Well hopefully not :)

For those that may need a little background, I have had side effects from the beginning. Most have been bearable but the bloat and headaches have led me to the ER and many late night calls to the IVF office. Just when I thought I was over the hump and readying for my transfer I hit yet another roadblock.

My retrieval was a success with 12 eggs, 10 of which fertilized.We were anticipating a 5-day transfer today. Everything looked great and our embies were all A students. However over the weekend I began to feel tremendous pain in my abdomen. I was prepared for the bloat and cramping from retrieval, but I just knew something wasn't right.

On Saturday my hubby brought me yet again to the ER. After every possible test under the sun I was thought to have either liver inflammation, gallstones stuck somewhere or blood in my belly. Turns out one of those conditions wasn't enough and I ended up with all three. With all that being said I had my gallbladder and the golf ball sized stones removed Monday. All of this of course has to fall on the day before the transfer. I was beside myself thinking a cancellation was imminent.

I feel blessed that all the GI's, General Surgery Physicians and RE staff worked together to make it possible for our transfer to still occur. Honestly after 4 days in the hospital we counted 16 different docs involved in our case. The RE docs are beyond wonderful and everyone was so compassionate and sensitive to our situation. It was a first for everyone. Not every day does one perform an organ removal and then a embryo transfer the next day. I definitely think I may end up in a medical journal.

The environment and condition weren't ideal but after the options were reviewed we were ready to take the chance. We could of just frozen our already perfect embryos and risked the chance of a lower success with a cryo emby transfer. We could of started a whole new cycle from scratch. Luckily we were all able to come to an agreement. Frankly I don't think I could go through this again, at least not anytime soon.

I was discharged this afternoon and wheeled down to the cold room for the transfer. The embryologist was excited to brag to us about our embryos. We lost a few embryos in the growing process and had 8 remaining from the 10. We will find out tomorrow how many are remaining to be frozen.

We were even given a picture of our lovelies in transfer. Hopefuly all goes well considering that I will be recovering from gallbladder surgery at the same time. I like to think I am never given more than I can handle, so we are remaining optimistic. Only 10 days until my first blood test so lots of rosary rubbing going on.

My hubby was by my side the entire time and even slept next to me for 3 nights in the hospital. Here is a pic of him all dolled up in his transfer attire. He looked like a cross between a painter, an embalmer and a hot mess. They don't make those get-ups in Husky sizes. It was a surreal experience watching the transfer on the screen. We could actually see the release of the embryos.

Despite the fact that I was delirious I remembered to have my hubby bring my four leaf clover and my fertility socks! I refused to show my face in a picture today, not feeling so pretty.

Lastly here are our embies in utero! The line points directly to the embryos, one right next to the other. I just hope and pray they find a nice resting place and settle in for the long haul. Time for a pain pill and some rest. :)

Operation retrieval complete

2009-08-28T14:49:00.012-04:00

Yesterday we had the retrieval and I am happy to announce that 12 embryos were retrieved!. Of the 12, 10 have fertilized! The docs were surprised there weren't more to retrieve, but I guess I was beginning to ovulate. Timing is definitely of the essence in this process. The 10 were taken from the left ovary and 2 from the right. I woke up in pretty bad pain and the bloat hasn't subsided at all. I guess I should just suck it up and take stock out in everything elastic.

With my four leaf clover in hand I anxiously awaited my turn. There was one other woman who was before me. I must say it is kind of odd being on the other side of a sheet of another IVF'er. The anxiety is all that much more. I guess the first thing everyone asks when they wake up is "how many?" I know because not only did she ask, but my husband said that was the first thing out of my mouth as well.

All in all the process wasn't so bad. I was sedated and I woke up in pain, that is about as much as I can remember. We are hoping our little embies continue to grow over the weekend. Funny how they say be prepared for a call in the morning on Sunday, Tuesday or Wednesday. We would like to be able to go to a 5-6 day transfer but we will take it as it comes.

Lastly, I lied. I am not done with all the poking and prodding. I forgot about the progesterone suppositories. I refuse to discuss this because for once I don't have many words other than gross, disgusting and diaper.

Here is a pic of me right before I was wheeled into the cold room. My friend found the four leaf clover in her yard and mailed it off just in time. I found a cute frame for 3 bucks at Micheal's and used a glue dot to stick it to a square of our wedding invitation. I love it!

My hubby took my pic and I must say he really is an amazing man. I am blessed to have him. Before I could even ask "how many" he was already fixing my hair and telling me he loved me. Really that makes it all that much easier.

No more shots!!!

2009-08-26T08:14:00.007-04:00

We made it through the last shot!. At 11:15pm last night I very happily jabbed the HCG trigger into my thigh. My hubby and I actually high fived and then made out. I know sorry to much information, but we were just so relieved to have it over with.

I just can't wait until tomorrow. I feel pretty awful today and the lack of sleep is really catching up with me. The gremlins that are twisting my ovaries are really uncomfortable and I just can't kick the never ending headache. I was given some lovely suppositories for the nausea. However, I would like to have at least one day where I don't put something into an orifice. I may not be able to hold out, we will see.

I read up on people being really sore from the injections but up until the last 2 days I was alright. Now it actually hurts to sit. As I am typing I have two ice packs in my underwear. There is nothing glamorous about this process.

We had some of my hubby's family over for dinner last night and it was nice to get my mind off stuff. I cut my hair 7 inches yesterday and no one really mentioned anything. That usually translates into people didn't notice or didn't like it. Either way I feel a little liberated. I have tons of hair and the meds were making it really dry. In fact my hair always resembled Sebastian Bach's in high school, just to give you an idea of how long and thick it is/was. (SB is the lead singer of Skid Row for those who forgot :)

I was so close to doing Locks for Love but I couldn't bare the Kate Gosselin hair-do if I went for it. It has to be 10 inches and I just couldn't do it. I am not a mom yet!

I have my last Acupuncture appointment today before tomorrow's retrieval. I am really hoping it helps with the bloat and anxiety again.

I started juicing today after being convinced from my online blogging buddy Kristen at http://kristensraw.blogspot.com/. Of course this is just added into my normal food eating routine. I figured I will try anything to relieve some of the side effects.

On a side note, I got the best four leaf clover in the mail. I was so excited to see that the fourth leaf wasn't glued on. I plan to put it in glass some time today, that is if I can muster the strength to move my fat sore ass.

Final Countdown.......

2009-08-24T13:46:00.016-04:00

I can't believe it is down to the wire. The last week on Bravelle and Repronex have pretty much sucked the life out of me. My first TVUS, three days into the shots, revealed several follicles measuring in at an average of 9mm. I counted 18, my hubby 14. My blood work came back that my estrogen levels were sky rocketing, so they lowered my dosage to 2 vials Bravelle and 2 Repronex. Friday ultrasound had all of my follies showing growth of 2mm a day and averaging about 10.5mm and my E2 level was 1026.

What was supposed to be a relaxing weekend, before yet another fun Sunday TVUS, turned into a nightmare. I woke at 4 am on Sunday morning with the most violent migraine. The only thing I remember doing after opening my eyes is throwing up on the floor. This went on every 15 minutes until 11am. I was so close to going to the hospital but didn't want to get stuck in the ER. I figured my fertility people might be able to give me something instead. My poor hubby thought I was near death and I am pretty sure at times that I resembled that chick from the Exorcist, minus the bad skin. Trashcan in hand we made it to the IVF clinic for 9am, but not before I threw up in the parking garage. Somehow I made it through the TVUS. I could sense the fear in the doc and nurse's voice as they wondered if I was going to vom. Like clockwork after 15 minutes I sure did. So they sent me to the ER for observation. My past migraines were always easily fixed with a shot of Demerol but they gave me some anti nauz stuff that just made me really irritable and agitated. All I wanted was to pull out my IV and run away.

So in a nutshell we spent Sunday in the hospital. You would think by now I would be a pro at all the poking and prodding but I am so over it. Sunday's ultrasound revealed 6 small follicles on the right and the bigger ones meauring in at 12, 11, 9, and 15. Left side has the most activity with 5 small ones and 8 bigger follicles at 14,12, 13, 15, 14, 15, 14,15. When they get to 18mm is when they want to give the trigger shot.

Today was the last US before retrieval. The bigger follies are measuring in at 14, 15 and 16. I have some smaller ones in the 9mm range still. Looks like about 20-22 all together. My E2 level is at 2463. I have now been given a game plan for retrieval.

Tonight is my last shot of Gonadotropins and Lupron. Tuesday night is my trigger shot of HCG. Wednesday I get to stare at the clock and then finally Thursday I get these things out! I can't wait and either can my husband. The bloat is the worst, even my underwear and bra leave indentations in my skin.

Let the Stemming Begin

2009-08-17T21:19:00.010-04:00

So yesterday was my first day of stemming. My Lupron dose was cut in half to 5 units and I began the 1ml mixture of Repronex and Bravelle. Just when I thought I had a handle on the Lupron injections, I have to introduce his two friends into my system. All I can say is that it wasn't fun. I don't know what put me into panic mode but I got an extreme amount of anxiety watching my hubby doing all that mixing. The pulling and injecting back in and then out and swishing and swirling and capping and uncapping. Maybe the anticipation was what got to me but I was really petrified of this new 90 degree angle thing.

Surprisingly the shot itself wasn't as painful as I convinced myself it would be, but the aftermath was. I am definitely going to have to move those injections around. I took the first one in my thigh and this morning it feels like a hundred little punches in my leg and it hurts to walk. I assume this is normal and I just have to deal.

I am heading to Lake George this afternoon for an overnight with my family and a day at the races in Saratoga. Hopefully my niece and two nephews can keep my mind off the stomach twisting and headaches. I just have to keep pushing through it or I would just collapse. I knew this would be an emotional journey but above all I am exhausted. Here is to hoping I am exhausted for other reasons in the near future.

Here is a shot of the new shots, minus the new needles and q-caps. My sister will be giving me the latest and greatest tonight. I am a pro at doing the Lupron in my stomach. Maybe by the third shot I will take over. I am not making any promises though :)

TGIF

2009-08-14T21:00:00.012-04:00

I started my week with an Acupuncture session. I figured introducing a little Eastern medicine to my already overloaded Western medicine cabinet couldn't hurt. I have read up on the benefits of acupuncture in fertility treatments and while the jury is still out I actually really enjoyed it. There definitely is something to be said about being able to relax through this whole process. I have another appointment next week and am throwing in a little Thai body work session as well. I just love Thai massage. I will never forget seeing my husband suspended in the air by a 130 lb Thai women while we honeymooned in Thailand. It is just plain spectacular.

Today was the day I have been waiting for all week. Besides having to hold a full bladder, a semi unpleasant TVUS and trial catheter pass I have been given the green light to begin the Gonadatropins on Monday. Luckily my hubby remembers how to mix the Repronex and Bravelle since I have a very limited attention span these days.

On a side note, I came across a blog on Yodeling Mamas from a woman who just recently was diagnosed with unexplained infertility. While she is posting anoymously I thought I would share her link in the hopes of some support and encouragement. http://www.yodelingmamas.com/blog/?p=293.

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. I plan to sweat the entire time.

I officially have whiskers!

2009-08-10T19:02:00.011-04:00

About 3 years ago my sister and I realized that if you tweeze your eyebrows and then have a wild night of drinking you would wake up with regrowth like you wouldn't believe. I know that was a major run on sentence. Anyway there is a purpose to this story. Today and the last few days I have woken up with regrowth., wait drum roll... I wasn't drinking the night before. It is the LUPRON! I am officially growing a beard. Okay a bit dramatized, but my niece Riley did notice some hairs on my moles and I had plucked them the day before! I try to make light of this situation because it keeps me semi-sane but this just isn't cool anymore. I figure the combo of prenatal vitamins, the lupron and the BCP's are tricking my body into thinking I am an adolescent 13 year old boy and it blows. I thought I was doing okay with the injections, but I am in a full blown peri-menopausal state and it isn't going very well.

Now onto the sweats. I have been dealing with the on and off again chills and flushes but last night brought it to a whole new level. My husband woke me up at 5 am to politely tell me I wet the bed. Of course that is not what happened. I sweat through the sheets and my nightgown! I was drenched and of course with in minutes balling my eyes out. I couldn't fall back to sleep so my day was destined to suck. Then the massive make me vom headache started and by 9 am I had already thrown up twice! I really don't mean to complain. I know this will hopefully all be worth it in the end.

I just really feel out of sorts today. I mean I literally cried my eyes out over a email forwarded by my BFF. I could of won an Oscar for the dramatics. Lucky for me I love my job and once I got myself out of the house I was able to put my beard, slimy sweaty body and emotional basket face behind me. That was until I had an encounter at the Post Office.

Today is my last day of BCP's and I am counting the hours and minutes until my Friday appointment. At least my weekend was wonderful. Here is a pic of me and my nephew Brody at the birthday party. He didn't notice my whiskers :)

Lupron, Walmart and my favorite littles

2009-08-05T18:39:00.022-04:00

So I have been meaning to update on the beloved shot class and the weird flesh like pillow I used to train myself. Honestly that thing made me so nauz. It was like squeezing one of those stress balls but it was made to look like a mound of skin. Sorry it makes me just as sick reliving it now.

Anyway, I didn't realize the extent of all the different shots, like the mixing and the different syringes, and the bubbling factor. I have never been one to like hospitals probably because other then seeing my nephew born I haven't had great personal experiences in them. We spent about an hour going over the schedule yet again and by the 4th mention of an appointment I asked for a calendar. I think I have most of it down pat now. My baseline visit with US, BW and trial pass is on 8/14. From there I decrease my dose of Lupron from 10 amps to 5 and begin the Gonadotropins the same day. Then my schedule gets as busy as my freshman nights in college, that was totally meant to be a joke :)

So I have changed my mind, my hubby is the official shot giver here on out. I haven't had too many of the lovely Lupron side effects yet, but I feel them coming on. I definitely feel my patience level has dropped tremendously. I don't advise going to Walmart either when you are on Lupron. I am pretty sure I growled at the woman who was taking too long in the self-checkout.

Today is my beautiful niece Riley's Birthday. She is 4 going on 18. She makes me laugh and is full of life. My hubby and I will be heading down to my hometown this weekend to celebrate. My adorable nephew Robbie turns 6 on the 21st. They are just wonderful, caring, gorgeous kids. I know everyone says that but really they are topnotch. They make us want children, even more.

Sorry, but it is not as bad as the chain letter that predicts your demise

2009-08-04T19:22:00.028-04:00

Yesterday I was so graciously presented with a blog award. I don't really know what for but it definitely made me feel like I was the first kid picked in gym class. Smiles all around my home office. Of course I am desperately afraid that if I don't comply I will be shunned from the blog world, JK. My new blog buddy Eileen poked me with props so I feel it is only appropriate to post her blog and for you all to check it out!

eileenburnsjin.blogspot.com/

Leave her some encouraging words and check out some beach wedding shots that will make you want to move asap!

So the rules of being blog saluted are verbatim what I just cut and pasted below!!

Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link. Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve newly discovered. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award. Here is the list of newly discovered blogs that I am tagging for this lovely award!

I am still fairly new to this blog world so I don't quite follow 15 Blogs yet but these are the ones I check out often and enjoy.

***Some of these ladies may or may not have already been nominated, I couldn't really tell.. Enjoy :)

.
A Few Good Sperm
Divine Secrets of the Infertility Sisterhood
Fertility Socks
How Babies Are Really Made
IVF here I come!
My journey with Endometriosis
My Journey- through IVF
One Day at a Time
Our Infertility Journey
Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters
The Sassy Infertile Lady
Trying for a baby

My Kitchen Table Looks like a Crack Den!

2009-08-02T12:15:00.028-04:00

Needles, syringes, suppositories OH MY!! Here is a picture of all the lovelies in their glory as they sit on my table just waiting to be absorbed into my skin. Gotta love the Biohazard bin, I always wanted one of those to keep in the kitchen to freak out dinner guests! JK

I had a lovely Saturday basking in the sun, reading, swimming and watching my hubby fly fish. I was so excited to come home and find these waiting for me in the mailbox! I was in utter sock shock! How could someone I have never met been so dead on when it came to socks for me?

I mean my hubby and I even incorporated a cosmo into our engagement photos! I love love love these socks and I will wear wear wear them at my next appointment. A huge thanks and hugs to Emily at FertilitySocks.org. This woman rocks with her socks on and off!

Snails pace no more!

2009-07-31T11:26:00.019-04:00

What a whirlwind of a week. All that waiting and anticipation has finally paid off. I officially have a calendar of dates and appointments over the next 4 weeks! It's like Christmas but syringes and drugs were not what I had on my list.

I need to update on the not so fun "shot clinic" and take some pics of all the great goopy things that come in the mail. Looking forward to a relaxing weekend with my hubby. He went to visit some family in Utah and I haven't seen him in over a week, keeps the marriage fresh! He definitely needed a trip to prepare for what lies ahead when the great wrath of Brooke takes over. Yes I said my real name.

So I will follow up as soon as I can but it looks like my calendar is booked the month of August. Finally!!

8/10 Half way through Lupron, Last BCP

8/14 Ultrasound

8/17 Gonadotropin injections start

8/21 Ultrasound, E level monitoring

8/23 Ultrasound, more poking and prodding, hopefully HCG injection around this time as well.

WEEK OF 8/24- RETRIEVAL and TRANSFER!!

As most of you know this is a lot more complicated than the above, but I rather make it look like a short list then the long one it really is.

I also want to give a shout out to my beautiful parents who on 8/1/09 celebrate their 39th anniversary. They are why I believe in respect, love and commitment. I love these peeps!!

Everyone have a wonderful weekend! Ciao for now

Finally.... oh and those prenatal vitamins are making me wicked nauseous

2009-07-21T19:11:00.013-04:00

I can finally breathe a sigh of relief after hearing from the IVF nurse. I don't know why I got myself all worked up over the blood work, but I most certainly did. I had most of the tests done before I got married so I was 100% sure none of that changed. I was worried about the FSH levels. Since I had been suppressing my ovulation with BCP's for several years due to endo, I convinced myself that I shocked my body into a peri-menopausal state and the biweekly bleeding was more "the change of life" then a legit cycle. Anyway my levels came back in the range they like to see for an IVF candidate, so I am happy to hear that.

I am getting pushed back a bit on the beginning of the Lupron shots. I guess my history deems a MFM consult before they want to go ahead. Not that it throws me off for the retrieval or transfer days in late August so that is a relief.

So I got confirmation that the prenatal vitamins can have side effects and I am pretty sure I have them all. I never have been one to get nauseous off of vitamins or really any px drug so I was surprised that they make me feel like I am going to vom. I was taking them with food but it really stays with me into the late morning. I started taking them at night now and they still screw with my stomach but not so bad, but my dreams are insane. Anyway I guess I can relax the next few days and await my much anticipated drug package in the mail.

Let The Games Begin

2009-07-16T20:31:00.003-04:00

What a wonderful last weekend for a prelude into an IVF cycle. I saw some of my oldest friends from prep school and my hometown, so if this is my last hurrah for a while it was well worth it.

Well as expected nature took its course and I just began BCP's on the 3rd day of my cycle (Tuesday). Like clockwork every two weeks, not fun. We had our psych eval, painless actually, nothing I was remotely surprised by. I had my extensive blood work done as well on the first day of BCP's and yeah I am not so into the whole "my blood" thing. I had no idea that they tested you for that many things. I mean HIV, ABO, RH, CMV Antibody, FSH, Hep B, Human T-Cell Lympho Virus, Rubella, Syphilis, Hep C. I guess most of these tests are the norm, but wow that was a lot of vials! Of course my husband put his blood work off until today and yes I had my first real freakout on him. I count this six weeks by the hour and minute, well almost.

I started a binder with all my notes, co-pays and visits and I think I am beginning to treat this like my wedding planning, except it is not so Marthaesque. So I am waiting for the next course of action into the BCP's. I am only 3 days in and I am already anxious to get all the meds, dates and appts scheduled. I also did the forbidden, yep I did, the estimated birth date thing. I was told not to do that and well I beat the shrink to it. I don't think I should share this, but if my math and gods will work in my favor, I would be due right on or right before my bday, May 19th. Of course assuming there is no break or change in the next six weeks. Anybody that knows me well knows I am extremely impatient and like a quick ROI (return on investment) with anything I put time into. If that doesn't mess with your head I don't know what does. Yes, I know I am jumping the gun. I know that the IVF clinic I am with has a 45-50% rate, but I felt that strong need for that calculator.

I also feel like I am in a bidding war with fertility pharmacies, half of the pills and drugs I can't even pronounce. I am having nightmares over co-pays, deductibles and free delivery. At least tomorrow is Friday and my best girlfriend from high school is flying in from SLC. I will feel better soon :)

TGIF!! What a week!

2009-07-10T08:37:00.003-04:00

So I finally have some down time! Why is it that the week following a long weekend is the longest week ever?? I traveled for the majority of the week in UPS New York. I ended up losing one of my contacts and well I really really can't see with one in and one missing. Of course my glasses don't have my latest prescription so yes you are hearing me correctly I bought an eye patch. No it wasn't black it was um flesh colored. I had no choice I was going to hit something, someone or hurt myself if I kept both eyes open. It was making me cross eyed! So basically I did an inservice for an audience of 10 docs and a few nurses with an eye patch on. Surprisingly they didn't seem to notice or care, perhaps they were scared. Overall it was a good call, maybe I will keep it! .

On the IVF front I got a call from the "Insurance Coordinator" at the hospital where I will be having my procedure. She might as well been speaking a foreign language ,but luckily I had done my homework and had an inkling of an idea of what she was talking about. Unbeknownst to me I guess there are actual "Fertility" Pharmacies?? I figured I would be able to get the majority of the meds from my local Osco. Um well apparently not, perhaps it is different in each state. I was told about three that exist and that I could contact them or they would be contacting me. So my question is where do I begin? Does anyone recommend a specific pharmacy? I have heard good things about Freedom Fertility but then again I guess it really does depend on your insurance coverage.

On a side note I put the call into the Psychiatrist for the eval and well she hasn't responded yet. I am trying not to get annoyed but I need to be deemed stable and sane before we can go any further and she hasn't returned my call! I guess I will give it to Monday. I just know she books out a few weeks and I really want to get going on things asap. If my calendar serves me correctly then I will be beginning my BCP's on Sunday. Unless of course a miracle happens.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. My husband and I are having a clambake at our house and anticipating about 50 guests. I am so excited to be surrounded by my family and friends, I never feel like I get to see them enough! Cheers!

Fertility Socks

2009-07-03T14:11:00.000-04:00

I am so new to this whole blogging thing. Just when I think I know what I am doing I have to start all over.

I did however find a really neat website that send socks to women going through fertility treatments. http://www.fertilitysocks.org/. The socks aren't sent because fertility treatments are so expensive and then women can't afford socks but rather as a means of support and humor. Socks can really make or break someones day. I mean... most people don't put on the fun socks if they aren't happy or positive about something.

With all those endless appointments stuck in stir-ups it seems appropriate to wear something fun and colorful, besides that metal can be really cold. It appears the website takes donations but the shipping is all done out of pocket by the founder. Such a cool idea. Once I get mine I'll be sure to take a pic, just not in the stir-ups.

Hope everyone has a wonderful and safe 4th!

Different road, same destination

2009-07-02T14:35:00.000-04:00

The journey has begun, or at least the decision has been made. We have taken the advice from our RE and have chosen to move forward with IVF!!

For the last 12 years of my life I have suffered from ovarian cysts, endometriosis, four surgeries and one ectopic pregnancy. In no way am I looking for a petri pity party. I feel lucky to have the option. I know there are many of "us" out there. I wanted to more or less address the stigma of IVF and share my story as we begin the process.

I have had plenty of time to prepare myself for the one phrase most women never want to hear, "you may have fertility issues". Maybe it will never be explained, maybe I am destined to be a poster child for IVF, maybe I am just not "naturally" lucky, but I am excited and I am ready for the challenge, the stress, and most of all the very real possibility of becoming a mother.

One thing we always knew we both wanted was to become parents. I mean we have had names picked out for years!

The next step is another meeting with the Reproductive Endocrinology group on 7/13 to address the map of meds, shots and many emotional freak outs! Then onto the psych eval. I mean if Octomom passed then I am sure we will be fine!!